ThunderStruck

So annoying.

2011-12-22T21:38:00.000-08:00

I know this is so lame, but if I ever told my husband he was "so annoying" as much as any Kardashian tells their husband/boyfriend that, I'd expect to be single. It's SO RUDE. Even if it's joking. It's just mean.

And I know I'm ridiculous because it's the Kardashians. I know I'm not always sunshine to my hubby but dude, dude, DUDE. Be respectful. Please?

Happy I'm married to a respectful person. I should be a little nicer to him I think. I love that guy. For sure.

Gingerbread swirl cake with maple icing

2011-12-10T16:49:00.001-08:00

Normally, I don't like gingerbread cake or cookies. They are always just so overpowering and weird. BUT I love the smell. So I thought I'd try something new. I love the boxed gingerbread cake mix that Trader Joes sells this time of year. So I buy 4 or 5 and the kids and I make cookies out of them and decorate them to give to the neighbors. But this year I wanted to do something different. Call it, change!

So I'm writing this on my blog for next year so I remember what I did. Because, it, was, amazing.

And so freakin easy.Bonus!

For the cake:
1 box gingerbread cake mix
1 box yellow cake mix (I used pillsbury)
*Follow directions to prepare both cake batters in separate bows.

In a greased 13x9 pour in the yellow cake batter. Pour the gingerbread cake batter over the top of the yellow cake batter. Use a knife to swirl the cakes together and make sure to lift up on the knife to really get it mixed. Bake at 350 for 30-35 minutes or until the toothpick trick. Cool on a wire rack and then turn over onto a platter for icing.

For the icing:

3 tablespoons of maple syrup (or 1/2 that of maple flavor)
1 cup of confectioners sugar
splash of milk.

Mix together until smooth and not too runny. If it's too runny add more sugar.

Pour over the COOLED cake. Cut into squares and eat heaven.

Seriously. YUM!

Frustration

2011-11-06T18:07:00.001-08:00

Sometimes I really want to shake my child and yell: YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO AMOUNT TO ANYTHING IF YOU DON'T EAT YOUR VEGETABLES!!!!!

But that would be wrong... right?!

November...

2011-11-05T22:21:00.000-07:00

At the end of this month, D and I will be married for 9 years. NINE years. It seems so long. And we're not even old! We got married young! I'm still trying to figure out how that happened so fast. Lived in 4 places, dealt with a teenager, had 3 kids, went through a lot of crap, and some seriously amazing amazing wonderful times. And the most wonderful part, the good outweighs the bad 100 fold. I swear. I'm sure that's why we work so well. Because no matter how crappy, we can over come it and it just gets better. It is truly amazing. Never thought I could be so happy with one person. It's so cliche!

Watching our friends, and family members go through tumultuous relationships, and ultimately get divorced I think has actually made us work harder at our relationship. Not because we don't want to end up like them, but well, yes! Because we don't want to end up like them! Everyone thinks that marriage is easy and you just sit back and pick your nose and if it works then it works. It's just not true. It's sometimes nasty knock down drag out fights, cries, screams, time alone, talking, lots of talking, and working on ourselves and our relationship. It's just not that we got lucky. Seriously. It's that we give a shit. Because when you don't give a shit, you get just that; shit.

I'm trying to figure out what to do for our anniversary. We trade off years so that we both get a chance to plan our anniversaries. It's fun. I learned that little tid bit from my parents. We like to take a little time to ourselves, nothing big. Although D would probably like to go a way for more than 2 nights without the kids. I can't do that yet. I'm a big weenie. So it'll be something... I've got a little something up my sleeve. And, it's the day before Thanksgiving so we'll be going early.

But I think I'll try to make this a month long celebration. Because really, we are amazing. And I love love love that husband of mine. I am a lucky girl. I can't wait for another 9 years of bliss, and then one day we'll look back and it'll be 59 years of bliss. Happy!!

Coming along...

2011-09-30T22:12:00.000-07:00

Exciting things are happening with mommy in the next couple months! I'm well on my way into developing a business plan, and setting the wheels in motion! So exciting!!
Trying to get so much squared away, it's crazy how much you have to do to get a business license. Plus we have 50 million things going on this month. I am guessing I will have everything smooth and ready January 1. And this time, there is NO backing down. I am making a promise to myself that I WILL get my business license, I will get my training done, and I WILL get my business off the ground in 2012. There's no time like the present and the present is NOW!
I had the best wedding last weekend, and it really made me realize, that now the kids are capable of hanging with daddy for a night so that mommy can work and do something she loves! They survived, daddy survived, and mommy didn't feel too guilty. And that was amazing. And I got some fantastic referrals!
Go me!

10 years...

2011-09-10T23:13:00.000-07:00

10 years ago tomorrow. You know what I was doing?

At 6AM I woke up with my hubby (then boyfriend) , watched him put on his Cal Fire uniform, drove him over to his grandparents house to borrow a car while his was in the shop, kissed him goodbye, drove back home and turned on Good Morning America. And pretty much after that... my life and every single American's lives were changed forever.

I never got up before 6:30am. EVER. So it was odd that I was wide awake and watching the news. We had heard some scuttle on the radio in the short car ride to D's grandparents, but we weren't sure what was going on so dismissed it pretty quickly. We had no idea what was unfolding 3 hours ahead of us in New York. I sat there and watched the first tower burn and thought, man that's a nasty fire. That just doesn't seem right. No one even mentioned "terrorists." It wasn't a word that was used very often 10 years ago. And then as I watched the live feed, a crazy feeling came over me, as I watched a plane turn right, cock it's wings so that it was sideways, and ram right into tower 2. I can still feel myself watching it like it just happened. And I sat there. And sat a little more. And then I realized that MY DAD was in Chicago in the Sears Tower and Oh my God they just blew up the Pentagon, and Oh my God another plane just crashed into a field in Pennsylvania.
I called my mom who was still sleeping and told her to call my dad and get him the hell out of there! Luckily he was already being evacuated.

And why the world was changing, and people were watching in complete horror, you know what my husband was doing? He was going to work. He was listening on the radio, driving his hour and half commute, in his uniform, and he kept driving. And he drove to work, and he stayed there. For four days he stayed there. He stayed even though 343 firefighters died that day. He stayed as EMS and Police and human life died that day. And 10 years later, you know where he is? He's in a different uniform, but he's still there. And to me, that makes him the bravest person on my earth. Because he stayed. He knew his fate. After 9/11 I saw a light in his eye that I had never seen before and I knew his destiny was clear. And I could not be more proud of the man I call my husband.

I am a proud wife of a firefighter/EMS provider. And I grieve every day for those who lost a loved one on 9/11. But I am so grateful for those brave men and women who helped so many escape. Those who like my husband, did not run, but they stayed. Just as I know my husband would have if he had been there.

One left

2011-09-06T22:15:00.000-07:00

I have one left. ONE. One little person permanently at home with me, for now. Av started pre school today. I don't even know how it happened. Seriously. She turns four next month and I think so far, her aging has been the quickest for me. And I think it's because I've been home the entire time she's been alive, and even before she was actually physically out of my body ALIVE. I got laid off in July 4 years ago, and she was born that October. So, for me this was a hard one to swallow. I got to be there when Iz started school. But I missed a lot of the first 3 years of her life because I worked. And daddy did everything with her. So much that I can't even remember what she was like the first 3 years. And I HATE that. But I remember every tiny remotely insignificant thing about Avery since the day she was born. So dropping her off at school today, and her nudging me toward the door, was no surprise. Her not crying at all, not even looking back, no surprise. And I died a little inside. Because my middle baby just left me! And then after I died a little, I was so proud. Because she is such an amazing little girl. So loving, so independent, soooo sweet and so great with a tiny bit of fire in her. She may look just like me, but she has the most amazingly wonderful heart like her daddy. She loves talking to people, is not shy, is so charismatic. Just such a sweet kid.

And now 5 days a week, I have a kid that I don't see from 8:40-3:05. And then 2 days a week, my Av goes to school from 9-11:30. Next year, she'll be in school until 1. Bittersweet is putting it mildly. I've got my Tabby here for another year or so, and then she's off to preschool. This is a clear indication that I AM GETTING OLD AND MY KIDS ARE GOING TO LEAVE ME ONE DAY.

And I just died a little more inside...

I sometimes freak out...

2011-07-01T15:06:00.001-07:00

Sometimes when I get certain cravings I freak out. Like today, when I had a sudden major craving for vegetable Lumpia from this place in town, I immediately was all: Holy crap self! How could you be pregnant?!? And then I realized... duh. Aint possible. And THANK GOD.

Three kids is enough. Seriously. Even having that 4th stray step is enough to pull my hair out of my legs for a fun time. It's painful, but way less irritating and nauseating sometimes!

And then add to that there is always a stray child, a niece a nephew, a friend, a play date... etc. Annnnnd there's those leg hairs again. Yep, still more fun. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE my kids. I'd do anything for them, and I love my nieces and nephews but duuuuuuuuuuuuude, mama needs more than a 2 hour nap to calm the nerves. I think this whole not being at school summer crap is getting under my skin, and you know that sad part? It's only been like 2 weeks! No! It can't be! Seriously. Year round schools. Let's do this State of California!

It's not just me either, it's the kids. They are lost without structure. They don't know what to do with themselves just sitting around all day, PLAYING AND HAVING FUN! That is so not cool! We want school back!

I do. So bad. Too bad we have like 9 weeks left. (Insert BIG sigh)

This stuff shakes my core...

2011-06-02T21:25:00.000-07:00

I'll admit, I'm a total fraidy-cat. I was NEVER EVER EVER afraid of anything before D got hired as a firefighter. It brought out every anxiety driven painful awful gut wrenching fear in my gut that I never even knew I had. I will no longer fly because I'm so afraid that I might die, and then the girls will be left with daddy, and WHAT IF HE DIES?!?! I'm pretty sure there's a pill for this (enter Prozac) but I'm trying to figure out how to overcome it without the happy pills.

And then there's days like these, where all my fears push and pull and tear at my heart and my soul and reaffirm my anxiety. And it sucks.

There are no words to describe the pain that I feel for this family that lost their brother today. No words. The family at SFFD, and the firefighter's family. An awful tragedy. Awful.

Rest In Peace Brother.

Aveeno Junkie

2011-05-15T22:09:00.000-07:00

As I was showering this morning, I noticed something odd. I washed my hair with Aveeno moisturizing shampoo and conditioner, and then washed my body with Aveeno body wash, washed my face with Aveeno face wash, and then I shaved my legs, with Aveeno shave gel. After I got out of the shower and put on my Aveeno face lotion! And when I went to bathe the small ones, yep... Aveeno baby wash. Dude.

Um, when did I become a brand whore? When seriously, I turned 30 and my skin turned sensitive and old apparently, and Aveeno is the only product in the world that doesn't cost a katrillion dollars and is AMAZING. Seriously. So far, I love all of it. Ever since I started using their new shampoo, my hair is stronger, shinier and it's GROWING finally! And my face started breaking out recently, because I don't know... adult acne is kicking in? So I started using the face wash and it is wonderful! I've used the face lotion for 10 years now probably, and just recently switched to the sensitive skin kind because again, weird old face now. I know I'm totally going on a ridiculous rant about a brand, but TRY IT! You'll like it! I promise!

I could be the National spokesperson for Aveeno with the amount of products I've been using from them! I'm counting at least 2 hands and one foot of Aveeno stuff that I have. CRAZY. Ridiculous. Pretty amazing.

Now if they'd only start selling make up...

HRH formerly known as...

2011-05-03T21:49:00.001-07:00

Don't call me Audra anymore. Call me HRH. As in Her Royal Highness. Whhhaaat? Something wrong? I think it's awesome. And jeez, a girl can dream! Can't I?

This past week there was a wedding. Not just any wedding, but the wedding. THE Wedding. Of Prince William to Kate Middleton. And now that they are married, she's referred to as HRH. That is pretty frickin awesome. I want it. I'm stealing it. That's my new name and I'm sticking to it. For now.

The wedding was sooo amazing. And quick. My kind of wedding. Little ceremony, LOOOONG party. What blew me away and is still blowing me a way, is that wedding gown. Oh my gosh. That gown. It was perfect. In one fell swoop, Kate has changed the entire wedding industry. And I couldn't be happier. Bringing it back to modern, sleek, traditional. Clean. I love it. And oh my gosh, that dress designer Sara Burton of Alexander McQueen. She just made her mark on the world forever. That woman needs some serious kudos. I don't think anyone expected a dress like that. Oh and the lace, the lace. The long sleeves. And the sweetheart neck. Oh man. Breathtaking. I could go on and on. But here's some pictures, so I can shut up.

Tiny pictures. Sorry. But you get the idea.

So anyway... because I'm all over the place. I'm back on my wedding planning stint. Will and Kate inspired me to get off my butt and do something about it. Gracias Will and Kate. Signed, HRH

Just call me Martha...

2011-03-27T15:35:00.000-07:00

I have seriously been a baking fool this month. I think it's because we have been stuck inside since it's rained 22 out of the 27 days of March. BOO! Usually I love the rain, but I swear to God it has rained and rained, and RAINED since we moved in back in October. Talk about a drag. I am so sick of this rain! So baking. Wonderful baking. Sort of a fun task to do since the weather sucks and it's cold. Nothing like trying to proof dough in the cold wet weather. But, alas I will say, I have mastered this yeast nemesis of mine, and made it my B&$%#!

I have always been intimidated by bread and rolls, and pretty much anything that requires yeast. It has never been my friend in the past. Apparently I've found some sort of patience, because really the only thing required for yeast, is that. Patience. Seriously. That's the BIG secret. It's always been a requirement of mine to be able to mix some stuff together, bake it, and eat it. But yeast is a whole different ball game. It requires sitting, and rising, and sitting some more, and the right temperature, and blah blah. AND then after it sits, and rises, you have to usually do something to it, and then let it sit and rise AGAIN! Jeez! So my 20 minute prep, 20 minute bake, 20 second eat, is out the window. It's more like 3 hours. But it has been passing the time for me and I'm in love. I don't think I'll ever buy whole wheat bread again. Because I am a skilled bread maker! AND I made The Pioneer Woman's cinnamon rolls from heaven, so I'll also never have to buy those cinnamon rolls out of the tube again!

Plus the kids love it, and they like to help when my OCD lets them. I'm going to need a heavy duty mixer though, because yesterday the KitchenAid started smoking during the kneading. A key indication that I have baked way too much this month. I guess I'll just knead by hand now. Good muscle toning. I bought a couple more cook books off Amazon to try out my yeast skills. I am salivating waiting for them to show up in the mail!

I am proud of myself. Not to toot my own horn, but I'm getting good at this baking thing! Woot! And I'm getting out of my funk, which is excellent for my health. I feel great!!!

Normal. Somewhat

2011-03-03T10:56:00.000-08:00

Things I would really like to be again. Normal! Or, somewhat. Whatever I was BEFORE I got sick and then sick again, and now sick AGAIN! Seriously. I understand buying a home is supposed to be one of the most stressful times in one's life, but hello. Bought the house. Lived here for 4 months. Can we get on with it? Between me and the kids and the husband, one of us has been some kind of sick since January. And right before we bought the house, I was sick enough to warrant a trip to the urgent care clinic. Then there was the New Years fiasco and a trip to the ER. Then the kids got sick. Then we all got lice, then the little ones got sick. Do you get my drift here?

I am on day 7 of being sick again. And it's not like a cold, cough cough sick. It's like a lying on my death bed sick. Like, blood test, pee test and yes, stool test sick. O.M.G. Honestly. I have never in my life been this sick before for so long. Even the nurse at the doctor's office said "You again," upon my arrival there today to pick up my lab paperwork. YES I AM SICK OF YOU TOO LADY! I am sick of giving you $10 dollars every time I come in too! Thank God these women and my doctor are so nice or I'd be a very unhappy person right now.

I really really just want to be normal again. And I want my kids to be normal. And I want it to stop raining. And I WANT TO STOP COMPLAINING!

And I'd also like to be able to swim in our new pool. Thank you and good bye.

Lots and lots and noooo money

2011-02-20T22:10:00.000-08:00

Sucks. I think all this DIY watching is making me obsessed with remodeling this house. I know, I know. We've only been here for 4 months but I'm dying over here. Or really, dying to get the nasty smell of smoke that occasionally wafers through the house. And I keep thinking that's the reason that we all keep getting sick. I know it's stupid, and it's probably not the reason but seriously between me and the kids, one of us has been sick since January. I blame the nasty smoke lingering in the walls. I'm trying to really prioritize what needs to be FIXED rather than altered. We just ordered new windows to try to control the outrageous PG&E bill. We need a new pool pump for sure, but that can wait. I'm really hoping the pump blows up so that can be covered under our home warranty. I'm pretty sure I've said that before. So far, the exterior stucco seems to be the biggest issue because it's cracked and water damage is threatening to seriously screw up the house. But holy heck re stuccoing a house is expensive! So far, I'm just trying to get estimates and figure out a budget, etc.

And beside that, we have no money. Seriously. No money. Enough to pay the mortgage, and the bills and that's about it. Oh and food. Food is important. The kids seem to be eating like rabid beasts lately. I can't keep enough fruit in the house. And that stuff isn't cheap!

And we're waiting patiently for our tax return. Great. Let's see how long that takes...

This would do the trick!

2011-02-05T22:50:00.001-08:00

I just saw this commercial and seriously... if I had one of THESE I might actually run again. It's called the ProForm Performance 1450 treadmill. It's not just an ordinary treadmill, it has some crazy technical stuff, and this nutso incline cushion thingie! Just click the link and look at it yourself!!! It even has this crazy feature where you can pretend to jog through parks and stuff, like Golden Gate Park and stuff! Seriously!!! How cool would it be to trick your mind into thinking you are running through Central Park, or through some crazy beautiful countryside in Italy. Oh, my, amazing!!! I think my knees would love me again.

Of course that price, is outrageous, but DUDE!

I wonder if anyone would notice if I started going to Sports Authority every day in my workout gear... I should try.

Wasting time...

2011-02-01T12:30:00.000-08:00

So we're all sick. AGAIN!!! Understand how annoying it is. As soon as one family member feels better, someone is getting sick. Tabs has an ear infection, pretty sure Avery does too, and Izzy has had a fever for almost 24 hours. And now I'm also feeling blah. Runny nose, head cold. Annoying. Seriously.

So since they are awake, I can't really nap. So I'm surfing the internet for ideas. I don't think I mentioned that I had this hideous wall of faux brick in my kitchen. Long story short, I got a bug up my butt and decided to take it off. It was so ugly! And in my quest to remove the hideous faux brick, I also totally destroyed the sheet rock. Which D had to replace, which his fabulous friend Mike had to re texture, and then paint, and thus I am not allowed to touch things anymore.

So now I have this lovely beautiful white wall. Awesome! Except I have no art for it! Boo! I have some wine items in the kitchen I was hoping to use, but then I found this fabulous website and found:

THIS fabulous picture!!! And there's more, here and here!!! Aren't they so fun?!?! It's still wine art, but with the cutest little modern, fun twist! I love them and they would be so cute on my wall! Of course I'd have to probably get rid of the boring standard wine art I have now, But whatever! I need something more fun to pep up the white walls! The colors are so pretty.

And now there's a kid whining for food... so my quest for wall art stops. For now.

Must I....

2011-01-26T22:58:00.000-08:00

Why oh why is it so hard for me to sleep when D is at work? I'm sitting here watching a horribly disgusting KFC commercial thinking... ew. ew. ew. I could be sleeping. But I'm not! Must pull self off couch.

But first: Random thoughts!

We finally found a window company! Yipee! Did I mention how high our PG&E bill has been? Not to mention that it's arctic in our house! Combination crappy Montgomery Ward single pained windows meets 30 year old pool pump. One disaster waiting to happen. The pump is covered under warranty, so we're really hoping it blows up soon. But the windows, oh the lovely aluminum framed, condensation loving single pained beauties. Gosh, I hate them. D and I decided that would be the first thing we did when we got a little $$. Although we'll still have to finance a portion of it, our tax return will cover about half of the cost. PLUS, the window guys also do shutters, so we get shutters for the front two windows, and coverings for the kitchen all for the same price as two crazy other companies wanted just for the windows! SCORE! I am very happy. I can't wait to have dual insulation!

So in about 4-6 weeks we will have new windows. And then 2-3 weeks after that we will have our wonderful shutters in the front and honeycombs in the kitchen! Yay!

And hopefully... I won't feel like I live in a walk in fridge anymore.

I want these... please and thank you.

2011-01-22T20:15:00.001-08:00

So, trying to decorate D's "man cave" and looking for inspirations...

I want I want I want. It needs some major wall decorations. I'm trying to find stuff like shelves, and nick knack holders because I'm trying to integrate all his Star Wars stuff, Notre Dame stuff, and firefighter paraphernalia into one room. Challenge! Plus we have the computer in the cave so I had to buy a desk too. But my two favorite things are THESE:

PB Fire truck Canvas Print

It's HUGE! 80 inches by 33 inches high! LOVE! It's sorta vintage, but beautiful and I love that it's three canvas panels. It's really cool!

THIS ridiculously awesome concrete floor:

YES it's freaking STAINED concrete!!! I can't find the website I got the picture from but isn't it gorgeous? I tried to convince him to do this in the kitchen, but he says it would be too hard on my legs standing to cook for as long as I do. I can just buy one of those gel chef mats. It's SO pretty, and SOOOO durable!!!

I need to find some other stuff... I'm just getting started.

Marching for babies

2011-01-18T22:48:00.000-08:00

So last year I walked my first ever 5k for Children's Hospital. I LOVED IT. And may I just mention, that I absolutely HATE running, so walking is fabulous, and way less pressure.

This year, I'm doing the March for Babies. A great cause for babies born premature. It's a 3 mile walk right on the trail near our house, and I'm hoping a few of my friends will be able to walk with me. It's always so nice to see how many people come out and do something for a good cause. It gives me warm fuzzies. So far I've raised $190 bucks, and the march isn't even until April! Woot!

Keep you posted on how it goes!!!

Special K challenge-ing

2011-01-14T22:51:00.000-08:00

I spent the first 6 days of 2011 with gastroenteritis. (See post below) That was a lot of fun. Before the New Year, I had promised D that I would do the Special K challenge with him. see here It's 2 weeks of eating an array of Special K products like cereal, protein shakes and bars, and some snacky granola bar things. It's supposed to be a jump start to help us be more concious of what we put in our mouths. D's been a little less pleased with his waist line lately. Now mind you, I lost 8 pounds from the lovely illness at the beginning of the year so I was thinking... uhhh great. I really don't need to lose anymore pounds! I promised though, and I stick to my word. D is always up for a challenge so I figured motivating him to get a little healthier would help me eat better and maybe, just maybe... exercise! The HORROR!

So it's day 5 now. The first three days, I pretty much wanted to jump off a cliff! I think it was all the reading of my new Martha Stewart cupcake cook book, or my new Ina Garten cook book with all that delicious buttery goodness of food, that had me a little obsessed with the food that I'm not supposed to be eating. Then day 4 I caved and ate a brownie. Well, maybe 3 brownies. Because I had to. It was for my sanity. I felt a little guilty eating it in front of D because he's been doing SO good, but he just laughed at me. I'm sorry. I don't have will power for chocolate! Today was much better, although I snuck in a teeny tiny kit kat. I'm hoping tomorrow I don't sneak any sugar. I've still lost a whole pound already! D has lost 2. Yay!

We've only been to the gym once so far, but hopefully next week we'll do better. I realize that as I get older, my body needs a kick in the butt a little more. D too. So let's hope this works!

Not so pretty...

2011-01-03T21:12:00.000-08:00

New Years Eve came and went. Happy New Year! We went to bed at 12:10. Heh. Lucky we stayed up til midnight.

I had a stomach ache. I felt like crap. And then at 5am I woke up with gut wrenching pain in my belly. That was Saturday. My birthday. Happy 31st. Now let's see how your toilet's working! We had planned to go out to dinner with a group of friends and then to see this hilarious comedian after. I thought for sure my stomach issues would subside and I would just take a nap and all would be well.

I missed my own birthday party. No joke. I couldn't even get up off the couch. I tried so hard. Thought for a minute I could. Even showered and did my hair. And then, went back to bed. What a crappy birthday. Seriously. I missed my OWN BIRTHDAY PARTY!

And sadly, everyone had fun! Boooo! I was hoping it would suck. Just kidding.

I'm just starting to feel better. Three days later. Worst illness ever. And I still don't know what the heck it is, or where it came from.

Here's to a redo!

Resolve

2010-12-31T23:25:00.000-08:00

in 2011 I resolve to (in no apparent order):

-smile more
-be a tiny bit selfish
-get a little more edumacated
-diy our own bamboo flooring in the kitchen
-have more patience with the kids
-lose 3 pounds... I know, HUGE.
-exercise a little... a LITTLE
-get more organized
-take a break every once in a while...

AND

-stop being a scardy cat and get on an airplane... (maybe)

Happy New Year!!! And Happy 31st birthday to me!

Duuuuude

2010-10-04T20:38:00.000-07:00

We bought a house. I forgot to mention it since all I've been doing is signing my name to 800 different pieces of paper and getting insurance, and doing all this crap and just going insane!!!

The whole experience is frickin exhaustingly painfully awful! I don't even know how people do this all the time! It's just crazy. I'm sure I'll be happy once we're in the house, but right now the whole thing is soooo scary! I hate hate hate dealing with money, talking about money, just ick ick ick.

The house is amazinnnnnnng. It needs work, it's got a pool, it's in a great location, it needs work, it's amazing! Did I mention it needs work? But it's perfect. Perfect for us, and perfect that we didn't need to move an hour and a half away to be able to buy the house we wanted. It's amazing. I just wish all this paperwork would magically fill itself out and that we could just move now!

I'm so going to miss this house. 6 and a half years we've lived here. I brought all 3 babies home to this house. I watched all 3 babies crawl for the firs time, take their first steps... ugh I'm going to cry. Izzy's learned how to ride her bike on this street. We had countless hours in the community pool with all the girls. Our neighbors have shared birthdays with us, porch chats, Christmas decorating wars, so much stuff... It's so bittersweet. They are all so happy for us, but so sad that we are leaving. We are too!

I need a cry break now...

I have to take a cry break now...

Makes me feel sooooo loved.

2010-08-05T21:31:00.000-07:00

Papers. Little wadded up papers. ALL OVER MY DRYER.

Normally, this is my fault. I tend to keep tissue in my pockets, because I HAVE BOOGER RIDDEN CHILDREN. And inevitably the tissue or whatever else go through the wash because I don't check pockets before I do laundry. So for once (I hope you're reading this dear, husband) it wasn't my paper! Apparently now I know how he feels because I was really irritated for a second.

And then I saw a little piece of the wadded up paper with my handwriting and I knew what it was...

About a month ago when Izzy went on her trip to Grampa's house, I had written her a note and stuffed it in her suitcase for her to find it. I can't remember exactly what I wrote, but the little pieces I found said, proud, love you, will miss you.

And my almost 6 year old, found that note in her luggage, stuffed it in her tiny little shorts pocket, and it stayed there for a month. Until the STUPID washer and dryer washed it, fluffed it, then wadded it up and spit it out!

(Insert tears here)

I guess I'll start checking pockets now.

The need to be MUCH more frugal...

2010-07-30T21:21:00.000-07:00

I'm considering doing a daily blog, or weekly or something. About frugal finds.

Because
WE.
ARE.
BROKE.

I mean, seriously folks.

I know we aren't the only ones in this world who are having financial problems, but oh my lord. It's ridiculous. I just don't understand really. D works his butt off, makes a decent living, and we are still barely keeping our mouths above water. It SUCKS! And it makes me feel so bad, because my poor man doesn't feel like he's "providing" for his family. Totally 1950's, but I get it, I guess. My unemployment ran out for good, and I'm not even cool enough to get another extension. BUT I am not complaining because I got it for a long time. We were very lucky to have gotten it for as long as I did.

We don't even spend a lot of money! We shop at Target, Ross, Marshalls, and Trader Joes for goodness sake! High end retail? I don't think so. I mean, I occasionally dabble in Nordstrom, but it's like twice a year! (Totally justifying Nordstrom right now)

I'm really not sure who or what's eating all our money... oh wait, maybe it's those 4 estrogen filled children running around our house!!!!!!! I swear, all they do is eat, and eat, and drink all the milk, and the juice, and then the clothes get stained, and it's 2 o'clock and they are on their 4th shirt of the day, and then the laundry soap, and the water for the laundry, and the baths, and then PGE bill and OH MY GOD STOP!

That's it, I'm blaming the kids. I feel better. Goodnight!

Woosh!!!

2010-06-03T22:45:00.000-07:00

Um, what just happened?

5 more school days, and Izzy will be done with kindergarten! 5 more school days, and G will be done with JUNIOR YEAR! Holy crap! I'm going to have a 1st grader and a SENIOR in HIGH SCHOOL in my house in a few months!

Oh. My.

I seriously can't believe it. Tabby will be ONE next month! What the hell? It's like a hand, and hair standing up straight, and WOOSH! CRAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazy!

Izzy had an outstanding kindergarten year. I was so impressed with her teacher this year, I asked her to teach 1st grade so that I'd know Izzy was in good hands. She laughed. I wasn't kidding. I've been doing a lot of volunteering at her school. D too. We love it. It keeps us busy, and keeps us in the know and known around school. I like that. I wish more parents got involved, but to each his own.

G has had a better year this go around. I'm hoping she really shines senior year. I really want to see her do good things after high school and I'm getting a tad worried that she's just not prepared to go out in the real world. She has definitely come a long way. I remember like it was yesterday, pulling up in front of D's old house, and out walked a little girl in a plaid skirt, polo shirt and pony tail. I drove her to kindergarten that day.

I can't believe I'm going to do that again 3 more times. Wow.

babies are cool

2010-04-10T12:37:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here waiting for the baby to wake up. Funny that she decided NOW is a good time to nap! Considering I have a TON of stuff to do and she NEVER takes long naps these days. Bah.

Tabby's getting "bathtized"next weekend! That's how Izzy pronounces it. Not sure why she can't say BAP, but it's adorable so we won't even try to correct her. My last babe to get baptized. I am so happy, and so sad at the same time. Super emotional about all these "firsts" for her, but "lasts" for me. We gave away all the 0-6 month clothes and baby paraphernalia that we could find that we will never use, or need again. Swing, gone. Baby bouncer, gone. Baby bathtub, gone. (Insert tears here) She's such a little peanut, I loooooove her so much. Totally get the whole, BABY thing now. She's always going to be MY BABY. The little one, the last one, the youngest one. So blessed to have her here. She's totally completed our little family.

So now, it's me and D just figuring out how to raise all these crazy kids. Each one is totally different, totally unique, totally... awesome. It's very entertaining to watch the 3 little ones interact. Avery is such the little dominator. Already defending herself just like her mama. Izzy's the drama queen, and Tabby's the quiet one that just sits and stares at her crazy sisters like, "Oh man, I am sooo going to be the good one." I can hear Tabby now "duuuude mom's going to killlll you two!"

I can't wait. It's going to be so funny.

I never thought I'd love them...

2010-02-07T21:36:00.001-08:00

And I can't stop watching them!!! Ahhhhhhh!

Reality Shows! Damn you Bravo and TLC and E! Evil evil little devils! I used to make fun of those crazy people who sat around at night and watched these lame shows, but they aren't lame! haha! They are like crack! I can't stop watching!!!

Like right now, I'm sitting here watching "Guiliana and Bill" on E! WHAT?!?! But I love them! They are like two D listers making money off ME! How cool am I for keeping their show on TV by watching marathons and TIVOing it! Actually, I don't TIVO them, but I DO TIVO "Keeping up with the Kardashians," and "Real Housewives of NY." But ONLY the NY chicks. The rest, are losers. Oh, god. Did I just acutally say that? Technically, no. I wrote it. So there.

I think it's really the train wreck factor. You want to look away, but you are afraid you'll miss something wildly entertaining, so you keep watching and watching and OH dang that was funny, so watch next week to see that train wreck again! It edidn't take me long at all to get hooked on those Kardashian sisters. And then one day, after their show was over, I just thought I'd watch a dab of Guiliana and Bill and again, hooked.

Next month the wives are coming! I am SO excited. And a bit of a loser. But, seriously! SO excited!!! Bethany rules!!!

Yeah yeah, I need to get a job or something.

lots of things...

2010-01-27T22:23:00.000-08:00

The start of this year sorta blew, and then it rained. For like 10 days straight.

Today, the sun came out.

And now I feel like I need to get off my butt and get in gear. Many friends need extra love right now. Wedding planning help, illnesses, new babies, dogs sick, lots of things. I have been trying to make sure to take care of other people besides our family. Food, cookies, cards, whatever they need. I feel like people need to know they are cared for by others. I like this. It makes me feel good. Selfless and selfish all at once.

Now I need to walk. Walk far. Walk for a good cause or two. I'm inspired. A friend I know is walking in the March of Dimes walk. I want to. The breast cancer 2 day walk is coming up. I want to.

I need to make this happen. I've always wanted to. Dang it. I will. If not both, I will do one. I need to start somewhere. I want to show the girls how much a difference, no matter how small, we can all make.

Weirdest feeling ever...

2010-01-02T22:21:00.000-08:00

I'm a New Years baby. And in 30 years... I have NEVER gone and done anything remotely cool for my birthday. LAME! I know! I had never been out of my town for my birthday.

Man, that's never going to happen again.

D and my sister planned the most amazing birthday party for me. Complete with my two best friends coming in from Arizona and LA to be there. Pretty much awesome!!! Limo, dancing, drinks, friends, and even my parents came! The whole nine yards. It was incredible. I am a lucky girl. I've never had so much fun! And all our friends who came said it was the best New Year for them too! That made me happy!

And now I'm in my 30s. WOW. I got old quick. D and I have been together for 11 years. My ENTIRE 20s. I got married, had all my kids in my 20s. What the heck am I gonna do in my 30s? I can't even think about it. I'm like... old. But, not. It's... weird.

I'm just wondering what to do with myself now.

Painful.

2009-12-15T22:21:00.000-08:00

Teenagers=drama=pain in my head=alcohol.

I mean, I really can't even explain it better than that. DRAMA IS PAINFUL!

I feel so sorry for my parents. Seriously. If I was like this 14 years ago, I would think they would have offed me. I have no patience for it!!!

Amazing that one person can live in their own selfish bubble of bliss and be totally idiotic about it!

I need more alcohol...

Just can't hide it!!!

2009-11-26T21:38:00.000-08:00

I'm SO excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT'S CHRISTMAS TIME!!!!!!

Well, technically... it's still Thanksgiving for 2.5 more hours, and THEN it's Christmas time! Yipeeeee!!!

For a period of time in my life, like between age 16-24 when I was a teenager, then a married person with no kids, I could care less about Christmas. But NOW! NOW! My kids think Christmas is the best thing on earth, and honestly so do I. Watching their faces, is the COOLEST thing! This year will be especially more fun because Avery is a bit older and she sort of has a clue about Christmas. That makes it that much more awesome! We're taking down all the decorations from the attic tomorrow, and then Izzy and I get to make a list of things that are broken, or what else we need more of, and then off to the store to get it! Yay!

I can't wait for Christmas. It's going to be the best Christmas ever. I've got my completed family of 6, and it's Tabby's 1st Christmas. Love love love love it!

la la land

2009-11-15T21:33:00.000-08:00

That's meeeee! Wheeee. La La Land. And I'm loving it.

I got made fun of for being a PTA mom last night. Did I defend myself? Nope. Why? Because I don't want to, or need to. I love it. I'm a big PTA loving dork, and I'm totally content with it. It feels GOOD! I get to be involved in my kid's school! Who the heck would not want to do that? Izzy gets to see me and D doing things at the school, doing things in her class, and enjoying it. I'm really hoping that she learns that volunteering is a great thing and that she is humbled by it one day. Frankly, I hope we all are. I wish more parents would volunteer. I wish everyone would volunteer. It's really a great thing.

Anywhoooo... off my little volunteer soap box.

Kids are great. D is great. Life is la la la lovely! We will be celebrating our 7 year anniversary next Monday. So awesome. I'm a little scared to leave the baby overnight, seeing as the kid will not take a bottle to save her life! Nana swears it's ok, and luckily it's only 24 hours. I figure eventually she will be hungry enough! (I hope). Not that I don't love breast feeding, but I'd prefer that she take a bottle now and then just for my sanity's sake!

We had our family photos done last week. A guy I know from high school met us at this park and took some fantastic shots. I have to pick from the 150 he gave me disk! Avery was a little turkey and protested the whole time. So it's really more like 30 shots I get to choose from. They still turned out adorable. It actually was perfect, there was an old fire truck parked outside this store, so we jumped on it and took a few family shots. So perfect for our little firehouse.

We're still working on getting a house. Slow process, but we're getting closer every day. I should really blog more often and maybe come up with something less boring to say...

And now I'm off to bed.

3 months... flew. by.

2009-10-27T11:34:00.000-07:00

Happy three months of living on this planet, baby girl! Here's to at least 80 more years!

Quick update.

2009-09-21T13:59:00.000-07:00

Tabitha is 8 weeks old today. WOW. Weird how she's not really two months old until next Monday, but whatever. You know there's 52 weeks in a year right? :) She's just the coolest baby. So happy, so calm, so... just awesome. Makes my job a lot easier. I'm just smitten. Smitten kitten. I love it. As I sit here typing Tabby is happily staring at the Barefoot Contessa and kicking her feet in the air on the floor. Such a good baby.

We're finally getting into the swing of kindergarten with Izzy, and dropping G at school on the way, and picking up, and who's doing what, when, where, how... oh if ONLY a certain teenager would get her freakin license so that we don't have to drive her all over town! But I'm not complaining or anything! I've got this new gig... PTA mom. Yeah, yeah... insert the word dork on my forehead. It's actually really fun! It's sort of nice to be involved in my kid's school and have a roll in what happens there. I have always done the staff appreciation stuff at G's school, but I actually have a Board position at Izzy's school. I went to my first council meeting last week. It's a wonderful thing to be in a community where people are so concerned about what happens in our district. I've heard terrible things from other people in some surrounding cities like "What's PTA?" Whaaaat? Umm ok.

Izzy started playing soccer, and let's just say... well she hates it. I mean seriously. She gets excited for about 5 minutes and then pouts and cries and sits on the sidelines. Ick. So far two games in a row she's done this. It's funny, but it's not. Not sure how to handle it exactly. We're trying something different this weekend and hopefully she'll do better. I think she'll do better at DRAMA!

Avery will be 2 years old next month. Can you believe it!? TWO! Insane. She's such a sweet kid. Such a little lover like her daddy. Makes me so happy.

And G is... well G is a teenager and while I'd like to say something positive, I'd be lying right now so I'll say nothing! She's trying, and I'm trying not to be so negative. Just UGH! That's all.

D is wonderful. He's just a wonderful husband. So supportive, and so sweet. Could not have asked for a better dude.

(And oh my gosh whatever Ina Garten just made looks sooo yummy!)

I'm multitasking!

I have a husband?

2009-09-05T22:10:00.000-07:00

I'm not bitter or anything... I'm TRYING not to be bitter!

I get my husband back tomorrow. After 10 days of torture. 10 days of strike team HELL! Thank you LA fires!

Seriously I don't know how military wives do it. 10 days of a teenager, a 5 year old, a 22 month old, and a 5 week old (all female, mind you)...enough to cause mental harm to a 29 year old woman! Oh the agony! The pain! The horror!

We lived. I suppose. One ear infected child, and a newborn with a cold later, we lived.

I DO NOT wish to do this again any time soon... YA GOT THAT D?

ummm what just happened?

2009-08-10T20:48:00.001-07:00

So I had another baby. Another baby. Another GIRL baby. Two weeks ago. And she is the most precious thing ever.

Wow.

Oh and now we have FOUR kids. Four. Four kids.

Let me just wrap my head around that for a minute.

I have 3 girls under the age of FIVE for the next 14 days. Then I'll have 3 girls under 6, and a teenager in my house.

Oh. My. Word.

Overwhelmed much? So overwhelmed in fact that D who was supposed to be on "family leave", has now turned his 3 weeks of paternity leave into "D runs away at any chance he can get leave"! I don't blame him. I suppose. If I wasn't a human bottle for the baby I'd probably have run away a few times already myself. He's tired, I'm tired, there's enough estrogen in this house to start our own liberation movement. Did I mention that I'm trying not to be jealous of the fact that he CAN run away!

On top of having a baby, our Nana passed away. Well, D's Nana to be more precise. She was my most favorite grama ever. She was D's second mom. She was just awesome. I mean, we named our first born after her! She was just.... awesome. Not even twelve hours after we brought our baby home from the hospital, grama was gone. We knew it was her time, she had been sick for a few years. For the whole month of July she had been in and out of the hospital, and D had finally found her fantastic at home care, but it was just too late.

See, every time we have a baby, one of his grandparents pass away. It's that vicious circle of life. When I was pregnant with Izzy, Grampa Victor passed away two months before my due date. After I had Avery, Grampa Bahta passed away three months to the day of her birth, and Avery never got to meet him. And then Nana. We so so so thought she would be around for a few more years at least. At LEAST. But God had other plans. I think for D, not being there when she passed was good and bad. He said goodbye to her the day before I went into labor. He knew. I was so hoping she coulf just see the baby once before she passed. My wonderful sister-in-law showed her a picture from her phone and told grama her name, and then she went to sleep and never woke up again. It just sucked. Still sucks. Just blah.

Needless to say, we've had a rough few weeks. Sooooo bittersweet.

More later...

Ahhhh life is good.

2009-07-14T20:01:00.000-07:00

So I'm still pregnant. News Flash. And surprisingly I'm ok with it. I mean, this is the last time I'll be pregnant ever again so I'm really not in a rush to totally alter mine and the kids lives any earlier than need be. Of course it's the perfect time being summer and with G and Iz not in school yet. Avery I'm sure will have the most trouble with it because she is SUCH a MAMA's GIRL! Good lord! Hopefully the new baby will be a daddy's girl so she can fight with Izzy and Avery won't get all grumpy about it. Avery is just like D. Needs LOTS of snuggles and cuddles and loves. She is so sweet though, I love it. Izzy's more.... well whiney about it. (Which I really have no patience for, but I'm trying!)

Thursday will be 18 months D's been with the department and oh ALSO HIS LAST OFFICIAL DAY OF PROBATION! YIPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! I am so proud of that guy it's unbelievable. He truely has done everything he ever stood for, and then some. He gives me the strenght to believe I can do whatever I want! I didn't think it was possible to love that guy anymore, but it just reaffirms my faith in him. He's wonderful.

So besides D's grama being sick and us dealing with that (which I will not get into because I don't want to aggrivate my way into labor) life is good. We are great, everyone is happy and healthy and there's not much more I can ask for.

And that's my update for this week! More surprises to come!!!

Tired, can't sleep.

2009-07-02T22:59:00.001-07:00

Tired, can't sleep. Do those words go together? NO!

I'm so tired!!! Yet, here I sit. Watching the news, dreading going to bed. Ever tried to get comfortable with a 36 1/2 week old baby in your belly? It's hard enough to SIT! Nearly impossible to actually lie down. And the heartburn and indigestion are enough for me to literally be a fire breathing dragon! I haven't tried sleeping on the couch yet, but I hate sleeping out here with all the lights off! It's DARK and I'm a chicken!

3 more weeks. 3 more glorious weeks. And I swear, if this baby doesn't COME out on her own when it's TIME, I'm going to scream. I'd love for at least one of my children to not have to be forced out of my womb! Please? I mean I really don't think it's too much to ask!

I'm trying to take it easy now. My feet and hands are starting to swell and it huuuuuuurts. I stole some frozen broccoli out of my sister's freezer today and stood on the bag. Oh it felt so good! It's the finer things in life... like standing on frozen broccoli! Got my hair did today, and my toes. I'll probably have to go get my toes done one more time before the baby, but my hair will look fabulous!

I'm working on parties. Trying to get stuff done for things before the baby comes. Got to get Izzy's bday invites out soon. Finally got a matress today for baby's crib, and my wonderful mommy bought a new bouncy chair so the baby has somewhere besides the swing to sit. Car seat is all sewn and ready to go, just need to install the base, but that will be so quick. We've done it a few times now! I just have to put it in the trunk! I'm trying to revel in the fact that I can sit up til 11 typing and watching TV, because that won't happen for a while after baby comes.

Oh and we changed her name again. Well... just the middle name. She will be the only one without a GWTW middle name. But eh... I'm ok with it. I just did NOT like any of the names left from the movie and since we already nicknamed her, we're sticking with the inititals.

And of course now that I'm ready to go to bed, baby has decided to begin her nightly session of gymnastics in my belly. This should be entertaining for the next hour or so!

Good night!

One more month!

2009-06-17T21:03:00.000-07:00

One more month and my man will no longer be a PROBATIONARY FIREFIGHTER! Yay!!!!!!!! And if I wasn't carrying a basketball in my belly, and I didn't have this ridiculous pain in my leg from possible phlebitis, I'd be really excited!

(I'm totally writing this while watching the Real Housewives of New Jersey so I'm totally spacing. This is an awesome fight! I freakin love Theresa!)

Izzy is now a preschool graduate. She's on her way to kindergarten come August. Conveniently she turns 5 the DAY before school starts. Awesome. G slid through sophomore year and is now working at the pool all summer and will be starting her junior year the same day as Izzy starts kinder. A junior in high school, and a kindergartner... oh and a 1 year old and a newborn. Uhhh what? How in the heck?

We're making some changes in the house this weekend. We've put the whole house hunting on hold for the time being because the interest rates went up and well... ouch. Not worth it. So we'll be moving Izzy into Avery's room and turning her room into a playroom/nursery. Of course the baby won't be in there for a while, but I want to get Izzy and Avery all acclimated before the new one comes, and before school starts. I think they'll be ok. We'll have to change up Izzy's bedtime routine, but I think she'll be ok. She hates sleeping by herself so I think she'll be happy to have Avery in the room with her. Avery on the other hand... is going to wake Izzy up EARLY! It should be fun. She likes to yell in the morning into the monitor, or make funny noises and laugh. I know I'll be hearing "Izzy wake up!" over and over again. It should be funny. They'll have fun playing with all their toys in one location, and I'll be happy that there's not crap all over the house!

D's a stress case and a half. He's got a lot of work to do before probation is over... and well if I haven't mentioned before, D is a HUGE procrastinator. HUGE. Like worse than my sister. Sorry sis. So he's making his life harder, therefore stressing me out, and stressing the kids out. Fun. I love my procrastinator. Really. I do. Just keep repeating that mantra in my head.

I was really hoping we'd be all moved before the new munchkin arrived, but ya know... it's just not our time yet. I'm ok with it. I don't want to settle for a house I am not in love with. Everything will fall into place when it's time.

5 1/2 more weeks and this kid will be here. (Please let it be more like 3 weeks) Wishful thinking. It will never happen.

Countdown.

2009-05-25T22:36:00.000-07:00

9 more glorious weeks and I'll have released this beast from my loins! Hallelujah!

Understand that I am only slightly freaking out about the fact that I have NOTHING ready for this kid. I suppose 9 weeks is plenty of time to yell at D to get all the baby stuff down from the attic, but there's still diapers, nursing stuff, baby bath stuff... oh and getting Avery off the bottle! The other day when we couldn't find my newest nephew's bottle, we opted to use one of Avery's and Oh My Lord... I thought her head was going to explode. Nana couldn't get to her fast enough before she had yanked it out of Luke's mouth and popped it into hers screaming the whole time "MY BABA!" Ode to the future....

I will have 2 children in diapers. This, I never wanted to happen in my LIFE. I'm rolling with it. I don't think I could get Avery comfortably potty trained in 9 weeks and then have the baby come and her not revert back. THAT would suck.

And did I mention I have no place to put this kid? Our house is full. We were hoping we would have moved by now but we are still waiting to hear about one of the offers we put in, and have a back up on another. So I doubt in 9 weeks we'll be anywhere but here. We'll have the baby in our room for a while, but then what? Not looking forward to bunking Izzy and Avery. And I have no where to put the baby's stuff! The diapers, the clothes, the ahhhhhhhhhhhh! I wanted to get a new dresser but I have no where to put it! So I guess I'll be rearranging my dresser temporarily to put baby stuff in. I don't want to invade the girls space until I absolutely have to.

And laughably, I could totally have another one, IF we had a bigger house. D says NO. He's already prepared for the snip snip. He says if he has 5 kids he'll die. HAHA. So if we are done, that's fine. As long as this one comes out healthy, I couldn't be happier. I'm ok with never being pregnant again. I guess. It's just that my kids are so cute! :)

I need to go shopping.

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-05-11T14:23:00.000-07:00

So it's like half way through May already? Sort of. It's seriously insane how fast time is going! I have less than 11 weeks before the new baby comes! WOW! And a little more than 9 weeks of D being on probation! Yipeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!

D's been on a strike team for the last 6 days! Big fire in Santa Barbara. I'm afraid this state is going to burn down before summer at this rate! He gets to leave Santa Barbara today and come home tonight to sleep, then back to his regular shift tomorrow. Pooh, but whatever. A few hours with him is enough to tide us all over til Thursday! I can't complain too much. A few of my girlfriends husbands have been gone for months and one almost a whole year on his tour of Iraq. I know I'm lucky to only have missed him for a week or so. The kids, don't understand and are all in a tizzy. Especially Izzy. Maybe I'll change her name to Tizzy! :)

We didn't get one of the houses we put an offer on. Not necessarily a bad thing. We are the back up offer if the first one falls through. And the other house that we really liked... the mortgage company that owns it LAGS like a turtle! We signed that offer well over a month ago and have heard NOTHING! Our Realtor insists this is the game the banks are playing. It's obnoxious. But we're fine for now. It would be nice to move before Izzy starts kindergarten in August, but you know, when the time is right it will all work out. Renting isn't killing us. It's just not investing us either.

The girls are awesome. G's been having a rocky time the last month or so, but summer is coming and she'll be very busy working at the pool again. Out of my hair, and earning MONEY!

And my Topsy Turvy is GROWING! I haven't black thumbed it yet!!! I'm very excited about this. I've never kept a plant alive, let alone actually GROWN something from nothing! Totally awesome. We'll see if it actually produces a tomato or two!

Life is good... life is very good. I'm just happy to be content right now. Couldn't ask for much more.....

Cooking with Izzy

2009-04-29T13:10:00.000-07:00

So have I mentioned how much my kid loves to cook? And eat? I mean she will pretty much eat anything we give her... with the exception of a few vegetables. It's pretty amazing.

So we picked up a how to kit on sushi the other day when we were at the bookstore. Izzy LOVES avocado rolls. I mean BIG HEART love. So we thought we'd try to make our own. Went to the store today and bought the nori (seaweed paper) and some vinegar for the rice. Busted out the how to kit and we were well on our way! Daddy took the reins on the fist attempt and uhhh the book mistakenly told us to cut the nori in half. Uhhh this makes for very small sushi that does not seal.

Exhibit A: A little mushy...

So we said to heck with the book and made it up as we went along.

Ahhhh... very impressive. D is a whiz at the sushi making! He got his first avocado rolls perfect!

Izzy even made her own!

I got creative and put some carrots in mine... and D thought it would be funny to add some paper garnish to make it look all professional.

YUM!!! We'll have to master the veggies before we move on to fish and other things. Isn't my kid so cute?

Hard to breathe... and move.. and pick up kid.

2009-04-28T21:04:00.001-07:00

Fat. Pregnant. Getting harder to waddle, much less move. Picking up Avery... no fun. Pain. Back. Owwwwwiiiiiiiiiiiiieeee. 27 weeks... still have a lot of time to get fatter. Wondering how to explain to 18 month old that mommy is too fat to bend over and pick her up. The next few months should be very interesting!

Making a deal... with the devil?

2009-04-18T20:50:00.000-07:00

If I knew the devil... I'd do it. Right now. In a heartbeat.

Isn't that terrible?

I know it's our fault. I know I should have gone back to work and tried to help dig us out of debt. I knew it would come back to bite me in the ass one day. The ability to stay home with my kids, pay our bills (but not pay DOWN our bills), and live like we did when D and I were both working... is more than wonderful. I absolutely hated my job. I was lucky to be laid off at the perfect time.

I've been home with the kids and with D for almost two years and do I regret it? Not for a second. My kids need me, my husband needs me, and frankly I need them. I'm perfectly content being "just a stay-at-home-mom," or whatever you want to call it. I love it. Never thought I would, but I do.

So now, we "thought" we were ready to buy a house. The market is awesome, perfect for us. We found this awesome AWESOME house that we could totally see ourselves in. We totally got approved for a loan too! We could afford the payments, but there's this one.. thing... It's called our GIANT debt. We've managed to run it up quite a bit since I haven't been working as I'm sure most Americans have, but it just totally sucks! The big contingency is that we have to "borrow" the amount of our debt from someone to make the loan stick. Uhhh... easier said than done. I mean. we've resorted to playing $1 dollar quick picks every Wednesday and Saturday in the hopes that the lotto fairy will bless us with just enough money to pay down our debt and give us a nice down payment.

Maybe when the baby comes I can donate some eggs or something... I hear you can make a good profit!

Oh magic money fairy... take pity on us so that we don't have to find a devil to make a deal with! We don't want to be stuck renting for the rest of our lives!

Soooooo

2009-03-31T22:34:00.000-07:00

So that baby name poll that I put up... well we decided we don't like any of those names. haha.

We are dorks. I think we found one we like but we aren't sharing. Or at least... I'm not. D however has a large mouth so we'll see.

Things have been crazy here. The girls are nuts, schedules are nuts, D's work has been crazy. Just everything is nuts. And through all of this, I'm having the ickiest pregnancy. Just uncomfortable, moody, very... out of sorts. Like seriously, alien invasion. With Izzy I was so happy to be pregnant I don't think I stopped to even think about how uncomfortable I was. I was just happy. With Avery, I was sick as a dog for 4 months straight and then exhausted. And then the water weight. Oh the pain. That was awful. But the two hours of labor made it all better!

This one however, dude. Just seriously happy I'm not going to do this again. My thighs are huge, my butt is huge, my belly is HUGE. If one more relative tells me how BIG I look all of a sudden, I'm going to crawl into a hole for the next 16 weeks until the kid comes out. The indigestion is painful enough now that I'm sleeping sitting up all night. I'm already out of breath just walking to the park. And picking up Avery all day and chasing after her and Izzy is agonizing on my back.

I will be very happy when this kid is out of my body. I'll take the sleepless nights with a newborn over sleepless pregnant nights any day!

Help us name our baby!!!

2009-03-23T09:20:00.000-07:00

Help us name this unborn child!!!!! Vote for your favorite name so we can at least narrow it down!!! Click on the link and vote for your favorite!

Baby Girl Carrion

Another day, another GIRL!

2009-03-09T15:37:00.001-07:00

Dear lord... what have we gotten ourselves into? haha!

Totally random thoughts...

2009-02-21T20:26:00.000-08:00

Our world is crazy. It's just crazy.

D and I just started looking to buy a house. We decided now's the time since the market will slump probably just a little more and slowly start to pick up. There's a lot of homes for sale in our town and we don't want to leave here. G's in school, Izzy will be in school, and frankly my family is here and we are very happy. So we are just going with the flow. No rush, but today we actually went and looked at a few houses with our trusty Realtor Tom. They say buying a house is one of the most stressful things a person can do. And seriously... I think especially right now, it's just.... it's intense. The amount of foreclosed, bank owned, REO homes, even in a "wealthy" area like where we live are out of control. And going in to these houses and wondering what happened to the family that used to live there, is just bizarre.

And really really sad.

I mean, the first BAD sign was literally just that. A sign posted in the front window saying "NO TRESPASSING!" And giving a list of authorized people to view the home. And then once we got past the front door you see just total turmoil. And as Tom put it, these people are literally yanked out of their house by the police and forced to take whatever they can and not come back. There was furniture left, appliances, clothes, even baby socks. It was so depressing. You could tell from the partially replaced floors and half painted walls when the family must have lost a job, or ran out of money and couldn't afford to continue on finishing their work let alone pay their mortgage. And they just had to up and leave. The house that they had probably lived in for a few years. The house that they probably got a killer loan on a few years back and were only paying interest payments on for a while until their rates got doubled or tripled and they were left with nothing. The house that their kids called "home."

And the bank just came and took it away. And that house, and all the other houses we saw and will see, just sit there. Vacant. No one living there. A family thrown out of their home and forced to go god knows where. For what? For months and months and months of the banks getting no money at all and no one coming to buy up the house that isn't even livable?

I just don't understand why. I just don't get it. Who the hell let this happen to all these people? And why isn't anyone doing anything about it? And it's not even over yet! Trusty Realtor Tom said it's probably going to be 6 more months of sliding house prices. You have got to be kidding me.

Does that Obama really think his stimulus is going to do ANYTHING? Because it's not. And there are going to be more and more defenseless families out on their butts for no reason at all. Because the banks.... are A-holes.

Waiting...

2009-02-08T00:05:00.000-08:00

There is nothing worse than waiting. I always lie awake at night wondering if I'm going to get a call that D's been injured at work, or worse. It's a major anxiety thing I have. And often, when G is at her mother's house, I worry about the same things. Don't ask me why, but it's one of those things... if I can't see you in my house and you aren't safely asleep, I worry.

So when D's cell phone rang at 11:30ish I was half asleep and so was he. Then the message alarm went off and woke us both up. We must have known something was wrong. It was G's mom calling leaving a cryptic vague message and of course I'm listening on the other side of his head so I hear "Head," "Emergency Room." EARS PERKING UP! Naturally D calls back and one of the nurses (who we happen to know) picks up G's mom's cell and I can hear more words like "disoriented," "jumped out of a car going maybe 15 mph," "CT scan."

I've never seen my husband move so quickly in his life.

And now I'm waiting. It's nearly an hour later and I'm waiting. Waiting to hear what is happening, more importantly what HAPPENED, and MOST importantly, IS MY KID OK?????

My first instinct was to run out the door with him, but the babies are asleep and I don't want to wake up my mom or get my sister riled up if I don't have to. So I'm wide awake. Shaking. A little. Freaking out, a lot. Praying. I absolutely hate this.

Third one... new rules?

2009-01-25T22:19:00.000-08:00

Am I smoking something or something? I mean. I've been pregnant twice before and I always THOUGHT the 2nd trimester started at 13 weeks.

Uhhh... not so says Babycenter.com

I get these email updates every week about my pregnancy. You know, how big the baby is now, what it's doing, how now in my 14th week I should just start showing.. HA! Oh and ALSO how 14 weeks is the start of the 2nd trimester? Como? Whhhaaat? Hold on, hold on. OK so maybe I just assumed with the other two that you know, after 12 weeks, when 3 months is passed that I'm no longer in my 1st trimester. I mean I know I know, 40 weeks, but still... dude. Way to throw a mama off! Did I never notice this before with my girls or did someone all of a sudden decide that 14 weeks is the NEW 2nd trimester?

What the heck. So TODAY I am now in my 2nd trimester. Not last week like I thought. Whatever.

I still feel like barfing so it doesn't matter anyway.

Yay for D!

2009-01-21T10:53:00.000-08:00

So proud of my husband. D was officially sworn in last night. He got a nifty little badge that I got to pin on his very expensive Class A jacket. haha. He was so cute. The whole family came. My parents, his parents, siblings, kids and all. It was wonderful.

He was so nervous before the ceremony that I thought he might pee or something. He couldn't find his badges (left them at his station) then he had the wrong hat, got a patch sewn on his jacket that wasn't supposed to be there, but he was such a good sport. Grinned and bared it! The guys in the department are seriously WONDERFUL. They are all so friendly and welcoming, and their wives and families are awesome. It's a perfect fit for D, and us. He absolutley loves it!

It's taken him such a long time to achieve his dream and I could not be happier for him. He's so supportive of everything I want to do, I hope I haven't been too much of a pain in the ass. Being a firefighter's wife is freakin fantastic. He's an incredible guy. I absolutley adore him. I am very proud.

Happy Birthday to me...

2008-12-31T22:20:00.000-08:00

In about an hour and a half, I'll be 29.

Well, technically, in about 11.5 hours I'll be 29 because I wasn't born until 9 something in the morning. I totally remember D FREAKING out when he was about to turn 29. It cracked me up. I'm totally ok with it. In fact, MORE excited to turn 30 so D can throw me a fat party next New Year and I'll have my third kid out and will be available to drink and act like an idiot freely! Of course, I can't drink now and can act like an idiot freely every day with no problem, but doing it on my 30th sounds much more fun!

This is my last year of my 20's!!! Yippeeeee!!! Is it weird that I don't mind being a big 30 year old grown up? I'm SICK of my 20's! I'm tired, and I haven't sat still in a long time and I need a break. I'm hoping my 30s brings a little bit of relaxation! I mean, 20's were great and all, and one more year is fine... but I'm ready to move on!

Check out all I've done from 20-now.

20- Had known D for a year already... hanging out at the club with him being a loser.
21- Legal loser... moved out of the parents house and into a crappy apartment in Alameda with D with druggies living next to and above us. (My parents were so proud!) Moved out of that apartment and into nice quiet condo in Castro Valley. MUCH better!!
22- Got engaged on my birthday!!! Got a great job working for the county. Married the love of my life November 23, 2002 (yes it was D!)
23- Horrible cyst developed on my left fallopian tube. Retarded doctor removed it and insisted to D and myself that children would not be possible. Conceived Isabelle November that year. (Still hate that doctor... got a new one immidiately!)
24- August 24th, had my first induced labor and out came my first born! Best day of my life!
25- Worked and watched my little one learn about life. Nothing exciting yet.
26- G finally moves in full time. SO happy! Worked on getting her on track... still a work in progress!
27- January had some hormonal issues, ended up being another baby in the belly. haha. Got laid off. Izzy started pre school. October 19th, another induction, another girl! Avery Kennedy was born. My little angel!
28- Still jobless, but D landed his fire job and life was on track again! Had my 10 year high school reunion in October.. then found out in November... another baby in the belly! Dear god, I promise this is the last one but can you try to send me a boy, please?

29??? I know there will be a baby in July and D will be off probation, and I'll have a 16 year old DRIVER in my house come February! Other than that, I have no idea what 2009 has in store for us.

Bring it on 2009! I've got plans to make good things happen for my family, but I'm on the fence about waiting until this child has left my womb!

Happy New Year everyone!!! And here's to my last year of being Twenty-something!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

2008-12-24T13:18:00.000-08:00

So excited for tamales tonight!!! I love Christmas Eve!

And I'm not even too sad that D has to work tomorrow. We had a fantastic morning with the girls, besides a small snafu with the teenager but no shock there! Now to enjoy making tamales with all my cousins and aunties and sister and mommy.

AND Notre Dame game! WOOT!!! Go Irish!

Merry Christmas Eve to al...l and to all a GOOD NIGHT!

duuuuuuuuuuuude

2008-12-06T20:05:00.001-08:00

Really... being broke around the holidays pretty much sucks butt. I mean, it's cool that we're teaching our kids that it's not about the presents, it's about family, and a time for reflection and love...

The truth is I REALLY want to buy my kids everything!!!! I know it's bad, but they are so good (most of the time) and short of buying them clothes throughout the year, I really never buy them anything else. D and I are really not about buying them something whenever they ask. Earning is a big deal. Deserving is even bigger. Needing is a different story, but no one in the world NEEDS a laptop or that Bratz Magic Hair Color doll ( here) that we asked Santa for.

I'm still going to surprise D and the kids with one giant gift that no one is expecting... and dang it I'll feel better! Until D finds the credit card bill....

So does this mean if Bratz don't show up on Christmas morning, my 4 year old is going to think Santa is all talk? We shall see...

Time out!

2008-11-14T13:07:00.000-08:00

I have writers block or something. I have so much going on in my head it's impossible to pick ONE topic and talk, write, or contemplate for a second. What has gotten into me?

It could be the teenager who is suffering from her own self esteem issues and is making my head spin every day at the thought of her harming herself...

It could be the 4 year old who is acting out a whole lot more all of a sudden because: daddy's been at home less? Needs more attention? Needs a new calm brain? Who knows!

OR

It could be that baby thing that I love so much who is stuck to me like static cling. Seriously. I used to laugh at the stay-at-home-moms who said they didn't have time to take a shower because the baby wouldn't LET them. Uhhh... seriously SHE WON'T LET ME. I'm lucky to steal a minute to pee by myself before she comes busting through the door pulling on my legs. If you could imagine me PUSHING the shower door closed with one hand, pouring shampoo on my knee so that I can sweep it up with the other hand to put in my hair, the while the baby standing there pulling on the door SCREAMING bloody murder at me because I'm holding it shut. That was this morning in a nutshell.

Imagine taking a shower like that. Fun? Not so much. I'd rather NOT take a shower and be called the smelly mom!

I've created a monster. An I-love-my-mommy-so-much-that-I-can't-let-her-out-of-my-sight- for-a-second-MONSTER!

I know it's just a phase, but it's one that I could pretty much do without EVER AGAIN! And when is it over? Because seriously... ick.

I love my kids and all, but mommy needs a time out!

Inspiration...

2008-11-02T09:02:00.000-08:00

October FLEW by. I'm so glad too because we had so much happening it was crazy.

Last weekend was my 10 year high school reunion and can I just say how proud I am! My friend from high school and I took it upon ourselves to plan the dang thing pretty much by ourselves for the past 6 or 7 months. At one point we nearly canceled the event for lack of participation! Luckily our classmates pulled through and we had a fantastic turnout! I only got positive feedback from everyone so it was a great confidence booster! I had such a good time, and it felt really good to know that my efforts and those of my co-planner Diana were well worth it.

I'm thinking this whole wanting to be an event planner is really a good idea now. I felt so inspired by the reunion I'm thinking I'm just going to go for it and apply for my business license and see what happens. I had so much fun planning, budgeting, organizing, being a dork... it was exhilarating! I was totally in my element. D thought it was hysterical to watch, but he said he could tell how happy I was to be using my strengths.

Very exciting. I've been looking for something to kick me in the butt. I think I got it now. I'm feeling confident, but not overzealous. It's a new adventure!!!!

Sad....

2008-10-24T09:18:00.000-07:00

D picked up an overtime shift today to cover stations. His crew is sending one of their engines to a local firefighter's funeral this morning. 27 years old. He didn't die in the line of duty, but none the less, is still a hero. Makes me so sad for his family.

Days like this make me remember how much I have to be grateful for...

I have a freakin ONE year old...

2008-10-20T21:41:00.000-07:00

Crazy.

A year has FLOWN by.

My baby. My little tiny baby with whom I've been home with EVERY day for the past year, and even before when she was in my belly... is ONE! WOW.

It's so much different than Izzy. It's almost guilty different.

When Izzy was born, I only had 11 weeks of maternity leave and then I had to go back to work. We were in no position to be able to afford me staying home, and frankly it never even entered my mind. I worked close by my parents house, so I'd come home for lunch and nurse her and play with her, and then go back to work only to pick her up 4 hours later. Every day for 3 years I did this with Izzy. D was home a lot more than I was at the time and he was the one that took care of her. He did doctor's appointments, he took her to Gymboree, he did everything with her. I watched from the sidelines, and only heard about it on the phone, or saw the pictures. I was ok with it because I didn't know any better. I think my mom pretended like all of Izzy's "firsts" were only when I was there. I never questioned it.

Then I got pregnant again with Avery when Izzy was two and a half, and... I got laid off. Honestly. The BEST thing that ever happened to me. I got to wind down my pregnancy with Izzy at home with me every day. We got to bond a little bit before Avery stepped in. I got to take Izzy to her first day of pre school, and I just got to be there for her.

Then the baby came and I was the smitten kitten. I had a little mini me. She was so calm, so easy, so happy. So the OPPOSITE of what I remembered Izzy was when she was itty bitty. She slept, she ate, slept again, only cried when she needed to be changed, and really pretty much is still this way. But this time, I got to BE there. I didn't have to run back to my crappy job, because D was doing so great at the ambulance job, and he was right in the middle of interviewing for his now fire job. I got to be a full time mom. I never thought I'd love it so much.

It's almost like I feel guilty. Like Izzy missed out on mommy not being home with her. But then again, Izzy got a special piece of daddy. She got her stay at home daddy. I think that's why she's so conflicted now when he goes to work. She's so used to dad, she gets all gurfuffled when he leaves her. She tells me all the time that I need to go back to work so daddy can stay home with her. Poor thing.

I seriously can't believe it's been a year since my little Avery came. She's got my looks, and her daddy's laid back attitude. Maybe that's why we get along so well. She's my little cuddle bug, always smiling, always chatting away in her baby gabber, and just hanging out laughing at Izzy. I love it. It's SO much fun watching her and Izzy mesh together. I can see where their conflicts are going to be already. But I can see how much they complement each other like D and I complement eachother. G just loves Avery. She makes funny faces at her and always tells her how cute she is. Avery loves to stand in her doorway and dance. It's pretty funny. The girls are just so fun to watch. I really love being at home with them to take care of them and keep them happy and healthy. It's kinda cheezy, but it's great.

Now all I need is a boy. Just because it would be so fun to have a rambunctious little man to intermix with all the crazy girls. Heck, another girl would be fine too, but a boy would be sooooooooo cool!

I'm very content. I totally want to finish school and start my own business, but I'm not in a hurry. I'm busy being a MOM! What a nerd!

Good god, I have a ONE year old! I'm getting old fast!

Insanity...

2008-10-14T22:35:00.000-07:00

October is INSANE! This weekend is action packed with birthday parties. Next weekend, THE REUNION, and then Halloween and Homecoming for G the following weekend.

I'm so happy it's almost over...

In between all that fun, I've got to either win the lotto, find a part time job, or stop paying my credit card bills so we can have food and not run around outdoors naked. Decisions, decisions!

Oh and I bought that evil key. I had no choice. Leaving the stupid car unlocked was not an option.

It's almost over, it's almost over...

Oh but I'll have a ONE YEAR OLD on Sunday! YAY!!!!

Yeah.... really? THAT small thing?

2008-10-04T19:35:00.000-07:00

So you know that key to my car that I was cursing this week...

I called the lovely dealer to get a new one thinking it would be quick and painless.

Dealer dude: "Uhh yeah you have to make an appointment with our service department, and then to replace the key it's $135 bucks, and another $85 to program the key."

Me: "What exactly am I paying $85 dollars to program a KEY to do? Magic?"

Dealer dude: "Uhhh no ma'am... just to disable the alarm and open your door.... so uhh... when can we make you an appointment?"

Me: "Seriously... I don't have $200 to spend on ONE TINY FRICKIN KEY! I'll have to get back to you when my neighbors start calling the cops on me for disturbing the peace with my alarm!"

So NOT quick, and oh SO painful!

Curse that tiny evil key!

Love thy neighbor...

2008-10-02T21:59:00.001-07:00

And I do. I really do. I love ALL my neighbors, well except for two because they are hermits.

A few days ago my car was acting all nutty. It was very mad at me because it was thirsty for some oil. So it wouldn't start. Some automatic shut off thing engaging for my "safety." So D goes, gets oil, quenches the indignant car's thirst and it's happy again. Fantastic. I go to push the little button on my key to lock and alarm the car, and nothing. No honk like normal, just nothing. After beating the button to death, D pushes his button on HIS key, and the car locks. Great. OK. Maybe my key was just taking lessons from indignant car and will work tomorrow.

Not the case... at all.

As I'm hustling my butt to get Izzy and the baby in the car to get Izzy to school on time the next morning, I discover that stupid button on my key apparently really IS dead and not just pissed at me. Crap. So I unlock the car manually and open the door. Bwooop bwooop bwooop. OH Shiiiit. Shh shhh! Crap Crap Crap!!! I thought if I put the key in the ignition that the magic noise would stop. I swear it got louder. So I'm standing in my garage at 8:45 am crying because I can't get my alarm to stop going off.

I go inside to call my mom to ask her to take Izzy to school and my doorbell rings. Then my garage door opens...

"Helllloooo Audra! Are you ok???" My wonderful neighbor from across the street comes peeking her head in the door.

Me-crying... "I can't get it to stop! The battery is dead!"

By this time, I've got my awesome cop neighbor standing in my driveway (barefoot mind you) asking me if I need help. Umm yes please. Damzel in distress over here!

Magic cop neighbor takes my key, unscrews the back, bangs on it a little, and poof... alarm be gone. Ahhhhh. My hero!

My neighbor across to the other side of me is screaming, "Do you need anything!?"

I love my neighbors. Seriously. There's only eight houses on my street and I know every single one of my neighbors by first name, and anyone of us would do anything for eachother. It's really really cool. Something that's not very common anymore, and it's a shame. They are very protective of me when D isn't home. Killed snakes for me, knocked on the door to tell me my lights were on in my car, picked up packages for me, watched the house for us when we were on trips, play with the girls, just incredible people... really. They even play jokes on us during football season... damn USC fans!

I thanked them all with cookies. Maybe I should have included ear plugs for a little humor.

Quite the dillema...

2008-09-30T09:54:00.000-07:00

Ah Halloween. ON top of the 500 million things we have going on this month, I'm left to #1 purchase numerous accessories for G's Roller Derby Girl costume. Roller skates, shiny silver hot pants, green and black ZEBRA striped leggings, and of course none of these things are found in stores and must be shipped. (Have I mentioned that G is INCREDIBLY artsy and original and I don't dare stifle her creativity). #2 Purchase fabric, pattern, batting and other items for the baby's costume that G's ALSO creating. We have a back up plan because this will be the first pattern G will be following, but I know she'll do great. She's a whiz at the sewing machine.

And #3... Izzy. Yes, Izzy. My little Virgo. Demanding, dominating, more opinionated than me, Izzy. Trying to get my 4 year old to MAKE A DECISION, is like trying to get the Republicans and the Democrats to AGREE on this stupid bail out plan. I know it will happen, but if I have to hear her negotiate about it with me one more time I'm going hurt someone!!! "Mom, if you let me wear RED lipstick, I'll be Scarlett OHara! Mom, if you die my hair ORANGE, I'll be a pumpkin" etc. etc. Just pick a frickin costume before I dress you up as my prisoner and lock you in your room all night instead of trick or treating!

The problem is that I have SO much going on this month, with countless birthdays and parties, D taking his engineer courses, Izzy starting soccer, and my high school reunion that almost fell in the toilet but has magically come to life (and did I mention that I'm in charge of it with one other person!)... I don't have time to have a kid keep changing her mind!!!!!

So I have two down... and one to threaten!

It's so freakin cliche'

2008-09-24T09:30:00.000-07:00

I'm living the real life partial version of Inventing the Abbots. Remember that movie? About all the rich sisters who's father is overbearing and freakish who won't let his daughters date anyone he thinks is possibly beneath him and so the girls go behind his back and date these boys and sleep with them, and sneak around behind their parents backs. Joaquin Phoenix is in it with Liv Tyler. I recommend it to any parent thinking about forbidding their daughter from seeing a boy. I'm thinking about watching it over and over again.

D and I decided (with a professional opinion, mind you) that G is not ready to "date" and that for now, she can't have a boyfriend. A myriad of reasons I won't say, but basically it comes down to the DISASTER of a "boyfriend" she had for about six months last year, and the majorly unnecessary chaos it created in our lives. I mean, we're talking like teenager Armageddon over here. Grades in the toilet, head up behind, just god awful. D even talked to G's mother about it, and she agreed. Boys are nothing but a DISTRACTION at this age and only make teenage girls act more crazy than they already are. So when G decided she liked this boy... we said great, like him all you want, but there will be no dating until you are 16. Hanging out in a group setting, fine. Hanging out by yourself with said boy, no. If only we had come up with that plan BEFORE she had that first boyfriend I already mentioned.

I can't say I learned anything from any of the boyfriends I had when I was a teenager. Yeah it was fun to have someone to hang out with. TWO of them were actually VERY nice and my parents actually sorta liked them, but I mean, did they shape me into the person I am today? Doubtful. Did they make me look at my relationship with my husband in a different light? Uhh... I don't think so. I did get two great friends that I still talk to out of my teen love years so that was worth it. Besides that, the only thing the boyfriends I had did, was piss off my parents and make me irresponsible. Oh and one made me hate red meat, but that's a whole different blog. The only real people I learned my relationship traits from is my parents. (and they are reading this thinking they are so cool right now or wondering what I'm smoking)

So we're not totally the Abbots. We're just trying to keep this child on the correct path and have her look back one day and be like... derrrr I was so stupid! Is that too much to ask?

Gosh I hate it when my parents are right!

I'd rather someone else do it...

2008-09-21T09:10:00.000-07:00

We've lived in the same rental for 4.5 years. Whatever. Renting doesn't bother me. I'd like to own some day, but then I'd have to ACTUALLY let my husband fix things instead of calling the landlord to do it.

Here's why.

It's a lot easier to be pissed at the landlord for not fixing it, or not fixing it RIGHT, or for taking his sweet time telling us when it will be fixed. I'd rather them do it. I know D's capable, but I'd rather be mad at someone else.

Is that so wrong?

It's totally different this year...

2008-09-11T08:47:00.000-07:00

I remember exactly to the second what I was doing 7 years ago today. For some reason that morning D and I got up extra early because his truck was in the shop and I had to drive him over to his grandparents to borrow their car to get to work. It was his first year working for CDF doing the seasonal firefighter stuff. As we were driving down the street we kept trying to figure out why there was no music on the radio, but a lot of chaos and talking about a fire in New York. We both shrugged it off, I dropped him off and went back to our apartment and he drove to work. When I got home I turned on the TV and realized that stuff on the radio was quite the understated version of what was actually happening in New York. I watched in complete horror as the second plane careened into the second tower and remember Katie Couric's shakey voice asking "Did you see that, oh my god."

And with the rest of the Today Show viewers, I watched my first terrorist attack on my country. I was completely on the other side of the country, but felt like I was standing in the middle of Manhattan like a frightened little girl. It's like a slow motion shot that is etched in my brain. Highly unlikely it will ever dissapate. Several phone calls back and forth to D later explaining the images I was watching unfold on television, I heard someone say on the TV that they were evacuating the Sears Tower. Umm... oh. my. god. My father was IN that tower that morning on his business trip. It was probably the worst call I ever have had to make, to tell my mom that terrorists were taking over planes and crashing them into buildings and oh yeah, papa's building is being evacuated right now. I could tell over the phone how scared she was with me. Thankfully, papa was safe, and eventually made it home to us.

The rest of the day and the days to follow were insane. I remember so much of it, it's almost eerie. I remember D coming home after his 4 days up there just heartbroken. I remember thinking, oh I do NOT want this life. I want my husband to find a nice 9-5 job so that I don't have to throw up a little in my mouth every time he heads to work and puts his life on the line.

This year, for some reason it's different. I think now that D is officially a firefighter for life and this is his CAREER, I've accepted his path. I could not be more proud of my husband. Because I KNOW that if something like 9/11 happened again, he would do everything in his power to help anyone he could. He'd be the first one there, inside the middle of mayhem working his ass off to help our Nation. I know in my heart that he was supposed to do this. He has been called to duty to serve and protect. 7 years after those horrific attacks, he has cotinued his path and has never looked back. He knows exactly what he wants to do, and that this is what he was born to do. I could not love that guy anymore for it. He is my hero.

Today especially, I honor my husband, firefighters, service men and women, police, EMS and everyone touched by 9/11.

Smarter than a grown up.

2008-09-09T13:57:00.000-07:00

I don't understand teenagers today, or better yet... I do NOT understand PARENTS of teenagers. I mean, I'm not even that old, but how is it that I KNOW BETTER THAN A GROWN PERSON?

I went to Trader Joes today with the babies like any normal weekday excursion to our favorite grocery store. I have to drive to the next town over because we don't have one in my town. Trader Joes is freakin fabulous, and low priced (I'll save that for another post though). I nicely refer to my neighbor town as Snob-ville. It's full of rich, bratty, irrational teenagers and their million dollar mansions that their parents own. As if normal teenagers weren't already morons. I don't frequent Snob-ville very often. I make it an art to go directly into the location, do what I need to do, and go directly back to car without speaking or making direct eye contact with anyone for fear that they may notice my Old Navy flip flops and mock me in front of my children for not wearing more sophisticated expensive flip flops! Having to explain why I am not a millionare is something I'll save for the babies when they are older. But I digress. As we're doing our shopping and I'm keeping my eyes pointed directly at my shopping cart, I notice a swarm of teenagers entering the refrigerator section scoping out lunch. Crap. I picked a bad time to shop. The parking lot of the high school is literally next door to TJ's and it was lunch time.

I figure with teenagers, it's my right to stare at them with distaste as I try to shelter my children from their pierced, pink haired, weirdness. And as I was staring or maybe glaring, I realized I was staring at a pierced, pink haird weird girl with the words TRUE RELIGION spelled across her jean pocket.

Oh. My. Lord.

Does that girl have any idea HOW MUCH THOSE JEANS COST??? Who the hell bought them for her? Because I KNOW SHE DIDN'T! How in the world could a 16 possibly 17 year old CHILD pay $200+ dollars for a pair of JEANS? And then as I stared at her ass, I started checking out other asses surrounding me. And seriously, it wasn't just the pierced pink haired weirdo! It was nearly ALL of the teenage girls in the aisle! Citizens of Humanity, Sevens, Paige. $175, $145, $230. I mean what the frick? And this was only the lower halves of their bodies! I was so shocked staring at name brand asses, I'm sure most of them also had some ridiculously over priced hand bag with them that carried their IPhones and Mercedes keys. I couldn't see past the BLUE! I mean, when I was a teenager, Guess jeans were cool, but they were so NOT $200 bucks! And if they were, my parents would have laughed in my face and then driven me to Mervyn's to buy some generic jeans.

Do parents have no shame? Wait, more importantly do kids have no fear? I don't think I would have even uttered words like "Can you buy me those $200 dollar jeans" before my mom could slap the thought out of my head! I mean yes, I have TWO pairs of these questionably over priced jeans, but ok first of all, I bought a pair AFTER my first baby when I was EMPLOYED and 25 years old! And I'll be damned, but I wore those things basically every day for TWO years straight until I got pregnant again. (Still sad that I can't squeeze my ass into them after the second kid, but hence the SECOND pair of jeans!) I did NOT ask my MOMMY to buy them for me for no apparent reason!

I just can't help but blame parents for this hysteria. I'm secretly hoping that pierced pink haired True Religion weirdo girl gets a frickin 4.0 GPA because then maybe for a second I'd be like... well I guess you deserve the $200 dollar jeans? That sentence isn't sitting well with my stomach.

You can't send a teenager off into LIFE like this. What will they do when they realize their boss doesn't even PAY them enough to afford the jeans after the rent and food? Where are the parents priorities to TEACH the child about real stuff? Independence, self worth, accountablilty? All those things that D and I have been trying to BANG INTO G's HEAD for the past two years? Do we have not have morals anymore? Where have our brains gone? Maybe it's the ozone depleting or something? It's sucking the oxygen out of our heads and imparing our ability to train our kids!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm seriously so unbelievably terrified for our youth...

The downside of learning online...

2008-09-04T10:10:00.000-07:00

Mother FLIPPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've been trying to complete these stupid online labs and quizzes for my Intro to Computer Science course and dang it the STUPID BLOODY WEBSITE KEEPS LOCKING UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm getting so frustrated I'm about to throw the computer out the window even though I KNOW it's not MY computer's fault!

This is the part that absolutely kills me about online courses. The instructors give you an assignment and then give you the website to do the assignment on. The whole 60 person class logs on at the same time along with 50 million other people using the SAME online learning tool, the site freaks out and overloads and then takes a poop. SERVICE UNAVAILABLE!

It's not even like the assignment is complicated. Click here, drag here, oh here's how you SEND AN EMAIL! Yeah, I could do that in my sleep, but I can't do it ON THIS WEBSITE because it SUCKS!!!!!!!!

I love taking courses that are NECESSARY to graduate. Jeez!

Can ya smell that... that's a little bit of fear!

2008-09-03T21:59:00.001-07:00

Democrats beware... Sarah Palin's gonna gitcha!

Oh I am LOVING this woman! She stood up there tonight swinging that bat better than any man can! I'm so proud! WOW! For a first timer, holy crap she nailed it! I'm really excited to see what the polls say tomorrow. I think her speech was powerful, brilliant, funny, witty, and VERY straight forward. I swear I was in tears at one point when she started talking about McCain giving a grin and a thumbs up to the other POWs when he was being interrogated during war. She's a bad ass! She's going to be one hell of a VP slinging mud all while holding her special needs baby in her arms. What an amazing thing to see. I think all women in America must be so proud right now.

Now if we could have gotten Rudolph to shut his trap a little earlier, we could have watched the video introduction of her before she came on stage. Would have been nice, but apparently he needed his last 15 minutes of fame. Poor Rudy. Love ya buddy.

This is getting verrrrry interesting!! I love election years!!!

Amazing weight loss tool!

2008-08-30T20:40:00.001-07:00

D's been on a mission to lose 10 pounds. He says 15, I say 10 because seriously if he lost those extra 5, he'd look like a wafer in his jeans, and I like his cute butt the way it is. He's done AMAZING with his fitness regime. Since we got married in 2002 he's lost about 40 pounds by going to the gym and cutting out red meat as much as possible, but for a while now he's been stuck at this last 10. I'm so proud of him. He looks freaking fantastic!

So my brother in law in the last six months has managed to drop 90 POUNDS just by diet and exercise. It's incredible. He looks like a completely different person. He looks healthy, his skin looks amazing, and he just SEEMS so much happier! I think D's a little jealous... in a good way of course, but now he's more determined than ever to kick that extra 10 off the scale! So my brother in law has been giving him the skinny (no pun intended) on how he totally changed his diet and goes nuts at the gym. I've been listening! And now, with a little push in the right direction, I think I can get D to get over the hump and be comfortable and happy in his own skin.

In my quest to find out how to help him eat better, I came across this FABULOUS website! http://www.mypyramid.gov/index.html . I have never heard mention of this website before. I was reading some of the forums in ask.com and came across it. I was a bit shocked it wasn't the first web page on google that pops up when you type in "weight loss tool."

I had NO idea the government participates in something so cool, and why people are not talking about, or even broadcasting it to the world! It's the easiest VISUAL tool I could find to understand how much grains, veggies, fruits, and what-nots D is supposed to be eating per day. I mean dude, I got to print out this multi-colored food pyramid with specific amounts on it and pin it to the fridge! Hello awesome! I'm in love! You just input a few details, like age, weight and height and viola! Instant food pyramid based on the calories you SHOULD be intaking per day. It's a great tool for the whole family really! Talk about getting motivated to have a better healthier life!

I'm hoping this works. We went shopping today and are slowly switching out all food for better choices. I'm excited to see how well we do with this plan and if the food guide from the website works.

See... it's not so bad when the government intervenes! (Insert devilish grin here!)

It's like... liberating, but in a republican sort of way.

2008-08-27T22:34:00.000-07:00

Ahhhhhh. There's something so wonderfully liberating about a great haircut!

I cut my hair off. Well, actually my friend Stacy (the greatest hair stylist in the WORLD) cut off my hair. I was seriously scared. I might have even closed my eyes a little while she was cutting it.

I've had the same hair cut for as long as I can remember. Seriously, besides maybe changing the color to something totally NON drastic, I've had the same boring old hair down to my shoulder blades forever. I'm not exactly one for change, I guess. I'm a republican dang it! We're happy with the way things are, blinders and all... just leave us alone! D has always liked my long hair and told me that I wasn't allowed to cut it. The hair was pretty much the only control of anything he has in this house, so I let him believe I would have long hair forever... to make him happy. Luckily, he's been at work for the last two days and still hasn't seen it. Tee hee. I explained to him that in order to grow my hair long and healthy again, it required a substantial cut. He does not understand chick hair.

It's not even that short. I mean it's the shortest I've ever had in my life, but it's still sorta laying on my shoulders and it's all pretty and highlighted. I can put it in a little nub of a pony tail. I absolutely LOVE it! The color, the cut, the liberation. It's just so nice to have my head look a little different for a while. It's making me want to get up and go do something fabulous... I think that's exactly what I needed to jump start my little funk. YAY!

Michelle Obama

2008-08-26T08:48:00.001-07:00

Why couldn't she have run for president instead of Hilary? I would have totally voted for that woman. She's probably one of the best speakers I've heard in my life. Very family oriented, (which I love) intelligent, and funny. It's interesting how the press is putting such a personal touch on the democratic race, but I don't see that AT ALL with McCain. I suppose it's because he's old enough to be a grampa and it doesn't mean as much to people with young children. The only thing that bothered me in her speech last night was the whole "Barak sticks to his word," bru ha ha. So far, not true. He's flip flopped on lots of issues, so I'm curious how he's actually STICKING to his word.

Maybe Obama should have chosen her to be his VP. Now THAT would have been cool. I'm still on the fence who I'm voting for.....

Testing 1, 2, 3

2008-08-22T15:46:00.000-07:00

I'm really not as big of a bitch as people might think. Really. I know I come off as abrasive and bratty, but deep down I'm just not. I'm commanding, and controlling but in a good way. I live with complete controlled chaos. Its necessary for me to function and necessary for my household to function. My philosophy has always been Jerry Maguire-ish. BRUTAL TRUTH. I know that's not always nice, but for me its just necessary.

I've been tested these past few weeks. With G, with my family, with my life... lots of tests. I think if I was to get graded on the family tests, I'd be getting like an F. I don't know why, but it's bothering me big time too. I honestly DO NOT enjoy people thinking I'm a spiteful person, because most people who know me KNOW that isn't me.

I try very hard to make everyone happily co exist because frankly it's just easier to live that way. I haven't been doing so well with that one in the family department. It's more like an out of control shit storm at this point, with me being blamed for every single thing wrong with the family universe. I didn't even start it! (Yes I know I sound like a whiny 4 year old, but Izzy gives me a lot of pointers!) I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought my family WANTED me to be nice and include others. I thought by asking for a favor that I was letting go of my control issues and delegating to someone else. I thought by dealing with an argument and airing out my true feelings, it would make others understand better. Nope, not true. Backfired in my face. I should have known.

My problem is this: I had to be nice to my ex brother in law for 10 years because I wanted my sister to be happy. (Sorry sis, don't mean to air your business!) I bit my tongue and smiled and pretended because everyone insisted it was the right thing to do. Bullshit. Looking back I wonder if I had told the guy what I really thought of him, maybe he'd take a second and be like well hey, maybe I do really act like that? Or maybe I am a selfish ass? Who knows! My point is, I never got the chance to talk to him about anything because everyone told me not to. I never got to ask him why he is the way he is because it wasn't my business. Because no one wanted to disrupt the tides. But honestly, look where it got my family...absolutely no where. I mean, sometimes people need to be told that what they are doing is NOT right! Right?

It's just this simple. If you can't be honest with someone, and tell them how you really feel then you are nothing but a liar and I can't stand liars. If that person chooses to take it negatively and shuts you out because of it, that's their prerogative. I'm not a lollipop dude. I'm not all sweet and pretty on the outside and fake and artificial on the inside. Sometimes I have to tell it like it is in a not nice way.

I know there's a reason for these tests... but I have yet to figure out what that reason is...

Just keep swimming...

2008-08-21T08:59:00.000-07:00

I have a new found love for the Olympics. Two words:

Michael Phelps.

Really... I don't have much else to say about the subject either. Just... Michael Phelps. Nuff said!

Sorry babe...

Too young for here... too old for there.

2008-08-19T20:09:00.000-07:00

This is an insane week. I mean, honestly today was the first time in a YEAR that I've had to wake up to the actual alarm at 6:30 as opposed to the Avery alarm around 7am. That's how seriously insane this week is. I've got Izzy's birthday weekend, yes weekend happening starting Saturday with dinner for the aunts and uncles and grandparents, followed by pool party with friends on Sunday for her ACTUAL birthday. Two parties... a bit much yes. But I'm over it. Then G's registration, PTA volunteering, oh and I have my first class tomorrow night. Yep, meez getting edumacated people! I'm officially a college student! A little pissed that I didn't get all the classes I needed, but the procrastination gene from D is rubbing off on me.

I always love doing PTA stuff for G's school. I'm the GIRL all the other PTA moms look at and go "uh why is there a student here?" And I'm all... hey HI my kid goes here and yes, I'm young and oh I don't wear grandma jeans. And they're like... oh wow she must have been a real slut in high school to have such an old kid. And I'm like... dude I may have been a slut, but that aint my kid. And then they're all... oh so you're the young husband stealer then! Yes That's WHAT I am! Too bad my husband is young and hot too and was just a stupid horny teenager and didn't use protection and had a baby when he was 17. Teens, use a condom!

Then there's school. I'm old. I mean, I'm the OLDEST person in my speech class. It's rather comical, and seriously I can't wait to hear what some of these 18 year old kids have to say about politics or the right to privacy on their myspace page or some other mind boggling speech that only a fresh out of highschool bad ass junior college kid can come up with. It should be special! God as my witness, I'll get out of junior college before I'm dead! Maybe I'll get tenure or something and they'll just wave me through if I stay long enough! YAY!

Fall is in full swing in our house!

Waking up in a cold sweat....

2008-08-16T15:24:00.000-07:00

I'm in serious panic mode or something. Every night it's getting harder to get to sleep, and even harder to stay asleep. I'm not sure what it's all stemming from.

Last week I woke up and SWORE the fan was on fire and that my room smelled of smoke. I got up, turned it off, unplugged it, sat there, smelled it and then walked the entire house and the garage making sure nothing was on fire. Then I laid there... for an hour. Wondering if maybe I should go check the attic because THAT was the only place I didn't look. FREAK! Eventually I did get back to sleep only to be woken up by the Avery alarm at 6:45.

And of course D was at work. I mean I usually sleep very poorly when he's not home. I sleep even worse when he's not home and G is at her mom's. It's like I can't rest if my whole family isn't under the same roof. It's ANNOYING! I mean, the dog barks at any kind of noise so I know if someone was breaking in or something was happening, he'd be all over it, but it doesn't make me feel better when D's not home.

Then last night, I had a terrible dream that the 10 year reunion I'm planning was a flop. We couldn't get the minimum tickets purchased and had to cancel the whole thing. (Seriously hoping that does NOT happen!)

Apparently I'm having some anxiety!

Not you too, John?!?!

2008-08-09T07:54:00.000-07:00

So John Edwards had an affair. And not only did he have an affair, but he had an affair after his wife had some serious breast cancer. Duuuuude. Seriously? Are there no faithful men in this world anymore?

The thing is for me, Bill Clinton has always looked like a cheater. Just the way he always hugged women I could tell he was a little womanizer. Usually, cheaters are fairly easy to spot. It's like having gay-dar. Yeah not very PC, but it's true. I'm not accurate in gay-dar, but I am pretty damn instinctual with my cheat-dar. So when these politicians kept coming on the air saying they were having affairs, I was all... well duh. The cheat-dar meter was totally up there for me. When that guy Larry Craig started soliciting people under the bathroom stalls, it was easy to raise my cheat-dar, but he threw me with the gay-dar.

But John Edwards? Seriously? Not a friggin meter read on my cheat-dar. No where. How could the man that talks about MORALS more than his political agenda be a lying cheating dirt bag? How could the man who's wife went through cancer VERY publicly during his first presidential run turn around and find some chick to do to make him feel better? What the hell is that about? Then he had the nerve to RUN AGAIN in 2008? All the while, knowing he had an affair two years ago! Did he seriously think that if he had continued his campaign that no one would have noticed the little affair? Didn't Bill Clinton get "impeached," for the little blow job incident in the white house? Did the dumb ass honestly think we'd be all, oh dude it's cool, you had an affair, wife had cancer, we understand that you lost your mind for a second there while she was getting chemo? Uhh no.

I'm seriously disappointed. Slightly ashamed. And oh my gosh, so sad for his poor wife. Praying that neither Barak or McCain have had an affair. I mean really. Can I get a decent person to run this country? And YES, I do believe that morals are more important than politics. If you have no morals, you have nothing.

Now, to figure out which presidential candidate loves his wife more has some friggin morals.....

Reasons why I need more vacations...

2008-08-04T19:33:00.000-07:00

Seriously, I needed that vacation so bad, and it wasn't even a "vacation." For the past umpteen million years my whole family has gone to Pinecrest to go camping. I mean my WHOLE family. Mom, Pops, Sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends. We usually take up 3 or more campsites. It is seriously my favorite thing to do.

We pack up loads and loads of unnecessary crap and drive two and a half hours to this gorgeous lake and go dirt camping. Nasty, dirty, so unbelievably fun.. dirt camping. During the day we sit at the beach and just do nothing. Float in our little rings on the cold lake water, drive the fishing boat to the other side of the lake scouting for jumping rocks, we kayak, we pick our noses... just do whatever. It's a little piece of heaven. The kids ride their bikes through the campsites, we sit around camp fires lighting our marshmallows on fire and drink and laugh and have just a relaxing time. Everyone takes turn cooking the best meals. No joe shmoe hamburgers and hot dogs for us. Fajitas, tri-tip, homemade chili, and all the Mexican breakfasts one can handle.

And oh my gosh... the stars. Incredible stars. THere's nothing like being that high up with all the huge trees surrounding the clearest sky with about a million more stars then we'd ever see down at our house. It's just something magnificent. I could sit in my little camping chair for hours staring up at those stars. Yeah, the kink in my neck would be totally worth it!

I think my most favorite thing to do is wake up in the morning, put the dog on his leash, hold my husband's hand and walk over to the grocery to get a Mexicali Mocha. They taste so dang good, and it is soooo nice just walking with our coffees and breathing in the smell of last nights campfires through out the campsites.

It was Avery's first trip and besides the horrible sleeping, she loved it. She played in the sand and got in the water at the lake. Izzy wanted to stay forever. Asked if we could move there. G, was mad that we had to leave. Actually, so were we. But it just gives us more of a reason to go back next year. And the year after that, and the year after that....

I seriously needed that.

And I want another one???

2008-07-25T23:16:00.000-07:00

My first shot as a step mother of a teenager sucks. I mean, I want to cry. Pretty much every day. I know it's not all my fault... her mother and father are a piece of WORK!

Since high school started last year, it's been like a really bad version of The Breakfast Club starring G, but she's ALL the characters. I mean seriously. It's like the schizophrenic version! One minute she's the prissy, wannabe cheerleader who has a thing for the bad boy, the next she's the little introvert who doodles and wears enough black makeup to keeps the raccoons guessing if they are related or not. I suppose that's what freshman year is about. Figuring out what role of crazy you want to be in the play called high school. In middle school she started to go to the bad place. Getting in trouble here and there, not being where she said she was... typical teenager style. No biggie. We crossed our fingers and prayed that it could only get better. Oh my word, we were so horribly wrong. The beginning of freshman year, she got her first actual boyfriend and all the baggage and bullshit that came with him. The evil boy. God that evil boy!

(My parents are reading this laughing their heads off and shaking their fingers saying "Karma's a bitch Aud!")

Then after six months and the world's longest headache, the break up came. OH happy day! The evil boy was gone! YAY!!!! And no no no NO more boys! YAY! Can we focus on school now and be happy again? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Why would we make Audra's life easy? Why would we try to avoid adding to the gray hairs on poor D's head. (They are multiplying at an alarming pace!) SLEEPING in class, texting 300 plus messages every day all day, back talking, swearing like a truck driver, oh oh yeah... it's that headache again.

Finally about three weeks left of school she got her crap together. Got a summer job lifeguarding, talked us out of going to summer school, and genuinely started to seem like she was getting it together. Great attitude, pumped about sophomore year, just happy go lucky. Ahhhhh. Sigh of relief... oh no wait... just kidding! Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water.... let me just go buy an alarm for the side fence, oh and for her window, and the sliding door, and pretty much let me just Guantanamo the entire house so there won't be any sneaking out with 18 year olds EVER AGAIN. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!

So we're back to basics. No phone calls, no computer, no life except for work, oh and if she ever thinks she'll be able to talk us out of going to summer school again, she is seriously delusional. I do not want sophomore year to be another headache. I should maybe consider taking stock in motrin and advil for the headaches.

Give the kid an inch, and she just steals the ruler.

I just want one boy! Please! So that I can just see the other side of the spectrum and prove to my husband that boys are a PITA just like girls!

Bring back No Name!!

2008-07-23T22:41:00.000-07:00

I've been listening to this local morning show on the radio for a good 10 plus years. Longer than I've known my husband. I've listened as the first crappy mess of a co host Vinnie got fired. I listened through Sarah (the other co host) having two kids, never wanting to have sex with her husband, and being the most wretched nasty beeotch on the planet sometimes. I was so god dang excited when No Name came along and filled the empty chair of Vinnie. He was like this breath of really witty dry bad sense of humor but hilariously necessary fresh air that the station was starving for. No Name was awesome. I mean AWESOME. And I think it made him even cooler that his real name is also my papas. Extra points in my book. Then all of a sudden, the producer Matty decides to quit when the station was going through new big wig changes. Ok... that stung a little. Matty was the glue!

Then for some stupid ratings BS garbage, the idiot executives fire No Name. After SIX years! Just up and gone. Because apparently, the demographics for the station are leading them to believe that women don't like his dry witter banter. Well excuse the hell out of me, but there's enough underly sexed bitter women on television that I can turn on whenever I feel like. My saving grace in the morning was getting in the car, driving the kids to school and listening to No Name talk about his kegerator in his garage and his hot ass wife and two kids. I could give two craps about Sarah. She doesn't even have sex with her husband! SNOOZE FEST!!!!

So now, I sit. Wondering what songs I'll listen to on the Ipod tomorrow instead of what funny little anecdotes No Name won't be shelling out to one of his Ask No Name letters. I'll have to actually interact with my children in the morning now! Oh the agony!

I want No Name back. Alice is off my #1 memory in the car. I'm done with them.

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/bring-no-name-mike-nelson-back-on-the-alice

Procrastination is the answer!!

2008-07-16T14:15:00.000-07:00

I have too much to do. And not enough time to do it. But yet I sit here, blogging. What a dork. I think I'm turning into my husband. He's a HUGE procrastinator. I'm wondering why I ever yelled at him for putting stuff off. I kinda like it. It makes me feel irresponsible! Dirty! Shameful!

Ohhh I like it a lot actually.

I've always been the responsible one. I'm the boss of the applesauce as Izzy likes to put it. I bark the orders, and everyone follows. Eh, I'm not into it anymore. I want to run free naked in the woods, well I take that back. Maybe just run free in the woods with clothes on. There's lots of sharp things in the woods that could harm me if I was naked!

I totally love my kids, but sometimes I seriously hate dictating their schedules onto numerous calendars on the fridge! Can't we just go with the flow? (I know D is reading this right now thinking... who are you and what have you done with my control freak wife?) News flash babe, I'm into doing nothing right now! I'm dreading school starting next month. Then it's all these schedules plastered on the fridge and my head spinning around like the exorcist deciding who drives who where and what parents is with what kid.

Maybe it's the heat. Maybe I'm just being lazy. Maybe I'm just in a mood. I'm just happy doing the bare minimum these days. I'm not sure if this is permanent, but I'm embracing it while it lasts! I'm liking this procrastinating thing!

That damn dog!

2008-07-10T11:05:00.000-07:00

Izzy: "Mom, why is Oprah sad?"
me: "Because her doggy died hunny."
Izzy: "Awww. That's so sad mommy!"

pause

Izzy with a straight face: "Mom, when's our dog going to die?"
me trying not to laugh: "Baby, Vader will be alive for at least 10 more years."
Izzy: " Oh man! But I want a NEW dog! Are you suuuuuuuure he's going to be alive for that long?"

All I could do was laugh. She hates our dog. And sometimes, I don't blame her! He's just STUPID! And really, it's not his fault! Besides the 6 week 1/2 hour sessions of puppy school where Vader learned to sit and stay (which he does not do well by the way) that's the only training he's had! We begged D to do some hard core training, but procrastinator boy left it up in the air, and I'll be damned if it's going to fall on me to train this thing that I purchased for my husband for father's day two years ago because he HAD to have a Boston, because HIS Bostons were SOOOO well behaved and could pee on command when he was growing up and he INSISTED that it had to be a Boston and and and...

The dog jumps... and I mean like Michael Jordan hops! He could literally jump so high he'd smack D square in the face with his paws. He's like the size of Avery! 20 pounds and maybe as tall as Izzy when he stands on his hind legs! THAT is not cool when there's a 3 year old and a teeny tiny baby meandering about! He barks... not inside thankfully, but if he sees us inside and he's outside, it's barking. Like nonstop. I mean it could go on for HOURS! Bark bark bark! Until we let him in! And then he runs around the couches like ten times in this full on sprinting action and goes completely nuts once inside. Like a lunatic! My dog is psychotic. D's grama thinks that we have some peyote in the back yard that Vader MUST eat to make him such a spaz. I'm starting to think she's on to something!

I love the dog, really. He's a good protector when D's not home. He is very gentle with Avery most of the time. Heck, he even shares his chew toys with her! He tries to play with Izzy and G but they just think he's annoying. I know he needs more attention, but dude, really? The barking, and jumping has GOT to stop!

Someone send the Dog Whisperer to my house!!!!!!!

It's a surprise mommy!

2008-07-07T09:19:00.000-07:00

This morning as I'm walking into Izzy's school, her little friend says hello.

me: Who's that?
Izzy: That's my new friend!
me: Ohhh, new friend! What's her name?
Izzy(pausing to think of it): ummmm it's a surprise mommy!

Well, ok then!

We walk in, I sign her in and go say hello to the teachers. Izzy goes and checks her cubby to see if there's anything I need to take home. Typical morning. But oh, there's a candy cane in there! Jackpot! Izzy's surprise friend is watching all this unfold and blurts out:

"AT THE LIQUOR STORE THEY HAVE HUUUUUUUGE CANDY CANES!! MY DADDY BUYS ME ONE!"

One of the teachers and I laughed so hard, we didn't even know what to say.

Leave it to surprise friends to brighten an uneventful Monday morning!

Weekend quotes to get me MOVING!

2008-07-05T08:27:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I sit and read empowering and inspiring quotes to kick me in the butt and start to focus. So I'm blogging some to remind me of them later.

"You can control your life by controlling your time." - Conrad Hilton

"I am only one; but I am still one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something. I will not refuse to do the something I can do." - Helen Keller

"You miss 100% of the shots you never take." - Wayne Gretzky

"Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm." - Winston Churchill

"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there." - Will Rogers

“In matter of principle, stand like a rock; in matters of taste, swim with the current.” - Thomas Jefferson

“We cannot hold a torch to light another's path without brightening our own.” - Ben Sweetland

"Remember no one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
—Eleanor Roosevelt

Women belong in the house... and the Senate. ~Author Unknown

And I think this one will be my theme! Thanks Madonna!

I'm tough, I'm ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay. ~Madonna

Heartless Snob! That's me!

2008-07-04T07:28:00.000-07:00

I'm spending 4th of July without D for the first time in 9 years. It's weird. I'm to the point now where I don't miss him, I'm just annoyed that he's still gone. Is that fair? Probably not, but I'm being a selfish ass right now and I don't really care. Of course then I tell myself that not only is my husband not here, but there's about 1,800 other firefighters that are not with their families today because the whole state decided to burn down at once!

I think I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around the idea that he CHOSE to go to the fire. He didn't have to go on the OES. He could have said no, but he didn't want to "look bad" since he's still on probation. I however, did not CHOSE to be here by myself for 9 days with three kids. I HAVE to. It's my job I guess.

Sometimes I'm really not a fan of my work.

And when he said he was sorry for putting me in this position last night, I wanted to reach through the phone and locked hands around his throat. Sorry? For what exactly? And then in the same breath he said "I'm not going to apologize for my job." Ok again, what the heck are you saying sorry for then? Sorry I'm alone? Sorry I'm spending the 4th of July picking my nose with the kids? Eh. Don't be sorry. And please don't apologize for your JOB! I don't apologize for screwing up the kids! And oh my word, if I have to hear G or Izzy whine about missing daddy for one more day I may lock hands around my own throat!

My one saving grace is that I get to go organize and throw lots of stuff away at my sister's house today. I'm so excited to clean that place. I haven't mentioned, I'm OCD at it's finest when it comes to cleaning. I like clean. I like tidy, neat, organized, no clutter clean. It's a small demented hobby of mine.

Oh and on that cleaning note, last night while I was feeling really crappy and down and devouring half my homemade brownies out of the pan, I got a nasty email from a friend of mine. The short story of it is she asked me to watch her daughter this week before I knew D was going to be gone. I called her on Saturday and told her it would be close to impossible for that to happen now that D was gone. I didn't want her poor baby spending the whole day in the car or not getting attention because I had the other three all to myself. And because I put my family first, that apparently means I am a heartless snob who looks down on her for not having a clean house or not having it all together or something. How she got that out of me saying I couldn't watch her kid this week, I don't know. My mother did not raise me to look down on people. I don't consider myself a judgmental person. I'm just a bitch sometimes! I mean did you read that lack of sensitivity post below? I'm just a little slow to other people's feelings, but NOT A JUDGMENTAL ASS!!! And I have no idea what lack of a clean house had to do with me watching her kid, but hey thanks for the update on how you feel about me!

Ok, the next few posts, I promise to post something positive! Oh and Happy friggin 4th of July!

Butterflies don't have to go away.

2008-06-30T20:25:00.001-07:00

I was talking to my sister the other day about this boy she'd been dating. Lets just say it's past tense now and the boy is pretty bitchy about it. Like, girly bitchy. No offense girls, but you know how we are when we've been scorned! So as we're going over the last conversation she had with bitch-boy, about how he WASN'T the one for her, and the myriad of reasons WHY this was the case, bitch boy threw one back in her face and it totally got me flipped for some reason.

Butterflies. You know, those fluttery, heart palpitating sheepishly giddy uncontrollable butterflies that you get when you are with THE ONE!

My sister told bitch boy he just never gave her the butterflies. Bitch boy in turn replied that eventually, the butterflies go away. They go away? Really? That's news to me! So far after almost ten years, and after all the bullshit D and I have been through I still get all tingly when he brushes up against me in the kitchen trying to reach past me for a glass. I still kick up my heel like in a cheesy love movie when he squeezes the small of my back while giving me a kiss. I still get all excited when I hear his voice on the other end of the phone line. Butterflies are like, the best part of love! And now some bitter bitch boy is making me wonder if they'll go away? NO WAY!!!

So now I'm thinking, are people seriously this disappointed in love? So disappointed that they honestly can sit there and say, YES the butterflies do go away! That's so sad. I mean, I've been in a few relationships where they did eventually go away, but that just reaffirmed to me that those relationships were clearly not meant to be! I suppose I'm lucky. I found my butterfly man YOUNG. Too young by many standards. Got married too young, had a kid too young. You know how that song goes.

I think some people feel like love should not be work. Some feel like it should just be this magical thing that is there and will conquer all no matter what. Pshhh. That's not real people! Love is hard WORK! Like that job you should be doing right now because you're not really getting paid to read blogs all day! Nothing just comes to you! If it did, I'd be a millionaire with huge boobs because I wished it so! IT just explains to me why the divorce rate is so high these days. Divorce is EASY! Marriage is HARD WORK. Granted I know a few people who have worked very hard to make the marriage work and it turns out that divorce for them was not so easy. I also know that in those cases there were no butterflies present!

Maybe this should be a clue to everyone. No butterflies, run screaming! It'll only end in DISASTER!!!

And now, my moment to gloat:

In your face SUCKERS! I still have butterflies! Neener, neener!

If I had a video camera you'd see my violently sticking my tongue out at you and wiggling my fingers to my ears right now.

Forgive me MASTER!

2008-06-30T19:55:00.000-07:00

"Mommy, go cut me an apple!"

Como say what now? Who the... What the? Are you frickin kidding me right now? Did my 3 year old just say that? And I'm not strangling her yet?

GO CUT ME AN APPLE?

I'm sorry MASTER, am I not doing things to your LIKING? Forgive ME! I'm just MOMMY!!!

Where on earth did my child learn to be so sassy? Do I even have the right to blame this on preschool or her age or a full moon or something? Or am I just on the edge already with D being gone? It's only been 3 days! I have like 6 more to go before he graces us with his presence and returns from the smoke! I'm pretty sure if Izzy had said this to daddy, she would have likely been on the endangered species list. He would have lost it. I don't get why these kids think they can say whatever they want to their mother? Did I not BIRTH YOU?????

I'm ALL about the manners dang it! Say please and thank you. Don't say "Can you get me..." say "May I have!" Don't talk back to adults, share, don't swear, don't pick your nose, please wipe your butt, flush the toilet, wash your hands, etc. etc. etc! And to think that's just a few of the things that I try to continuously bang into my kids heads on a daily basis! Apparently I'm not BANGING HARD ENOUGH!

Seriously, I'm considering an exorcism or two! One for G, one BIG one for Izzy, and possibly one for myself for good measure. Maybe they'll offer a buy two get the third free or something. Does anyone know where I can get me a priest?

Frick, Ick.

2008-06-28T08:56:00.000-07:00

Frick. Ick. FRICK!

Yesterday D's Battalion Chief called to let him know that he'd be going out of county on the OES Sunday.

For all my non-fire friends... this means: The Office Of Emergency Services (OES) is sending my husband and his unit out on a GINORMOUS 10,000+ acre fire that is far far away from his nice little fire house. In the wilderness! Where the fire is OUT OF CONTROL right now and there's no containment in sight.

You know, back in 2001 when we had only G on the weekends and D was working for the wildland fire people, I was still nervous when he got sent out for fires. We weren't married yet, and I was still used to sorta being by myself but I was still a nervous wreck when he was gone. Plus, I did NOT HAVE CHILDREN! I think the longest he was gone on a fire then was 10 days? I honestly don't remember. I remember it sucked, but I survived. The difference this time is he can't be gone for more than 7 days in a row, but still! 7 days!

I'm not gonna lie to ya, right now I'm freaking out. 7 years later I'm supposed to remember how to function without my husband and with 3 kids? I mean I have a hard enough time doing this every week by myself for 48 hours. Don't even get me started on the fact that my husband will be out in the middle of nowhere fighting a raging out of control fire! That's not scary at all! What if something happens to him? I mean, I just watched that Oprah episode with the poor woman who's husband killed himself and left her with hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt and she hadn't worked in years and only had $72.00 in the bank. Not that I'll be in a situation like that but STILL! ACK!

Poor kids are going to go through daddy withdrawls. Crap, I'm going to go through daddy withdrawls! I knew this day would come. When D was going through the background at work, I remember the investigator asking me SPECIFICALLY how I would feel about him being gone on these nutty strike teams. My answer was something about how I'm used to it and oh I'll be fine!!

Meh. I'm rethinking that answer now.

Frick!

Sensitivity, or lack thereof...

2008-06-22T21:59:00.000-07:00

Apparently D is right about one thing about me. He says I really do not have the "sensitive" gene. I think I was born without it. Or maybe I inherited the "insensitivity" gene from someone who shall remain nameless... (cough) MOM! I don't know really how to tread lightly with things. I just frickin dive in and go and I don't give a crap who I splash!

(I'm feeling nostalgic and sappy so apologies in advance for any cheesiness.)

I have two best friends. Well, besides my sister who is my family and my best friend, I have two ACTUAL not related to me by blood best friends. Laura and Blair, and yes those are their actual names! We've been BFFs since we were like 10 years old. No joke. These two probably know more about me than my parents or my husband care to. They are the most wonderful women in the world and I am so unbelievably lucky to be able to call them my friends.

Right now they both live a long drive or a short plane trip away from me. Laura is in SoCal and Blair is living in AZ . At one point they were both in SoCal and made my life very easy in terms of visiting. In fact I think at one point they lived in the same house down there and then the punks decided to part ways and make my life hell! Thanks a lot! :) Bottom line is I'm lazy and I don't see either one of them enough. I need to change that.

So back to my point of the story:

Blair's been dealt a rough blow this year. Besides Laura and me both forgetting her birthday AGAIN (don't ask, we are just total airheads)... she's been dealing with a lot. A couple months ago she was here visiting and we had the chance to meet up and have dinner and drinks at her uncle's house. We hung out for a good while and I left thinking everything was great. Then I didn't hear from her. I kept calling and calling and texting and nothing for those two months and got no response. Finally my last "are you alive" text got a reply. "I'm alive, just busy. Will call soon." Hmmm. Did I do something? Did I piss her off at her uncle's? Did I offend in front of the family? Retracing steps in my head when there was lots of wine involved is never an easy task. Then tonight she finally called and oh yeah my instincts were right. I knew she was pissed at me. Maybe not pissed, but annoyed or irritated or peeved, or some other very bad verb.

So after I got caught up on the latest Blair-current and past events, I got hit with the blow. And it stung. And I now feel like the biggest most insensitive prick on the face of the planet.

B- "Hey so you know it really bothered me that I had to find out from Avery's baptism invitation that Laura was going to be the Godmother."

Me- "Huh? What? I thought I told you when you were here? I'm sure I did?"

B- "Definitely did not mention that. It's ok. It just was hard seeing it on the invitation."

Me- "Oh Blair I am So sorry! So so so so so sorry. I'm so sorry. I thought I told you. Sorry sorry so very sorry. "

B- "It's ok. I just had to tell you that's partly why I haven't called you back because it bothered me."

I must have said sorry about 100 more times after that. It's not that I'm sorry I didn't choose her to be the Godmother, but that I was such an insensitive prick to not let her know it was Laura.

I have never felt like more of an ass than I do right now. Never once did it cross my mind that it would upset Blair that I chose Laura to be Avery's Godmother. It's not like her to get upset about that kind of stuff usually, but of course not hearing it out of my mouth and seeing it on paper was a bit of a blow to the ego I'm sure. I just never thought that it would offend her, and I didn't even think she would care! What a jerk I am!

I really need to figure out what hairs to pull out of my head to make the sensitivity start flowing!

Breaking out of my shell!

2008-06-21T20:55:00.000-07:00

My dad makes fun of me because I'm afraid of the internet. I still get nervous putting real names and real information about my personal life out in cyberspace. But Papa insists that there is nothing to fear! Not to mention FFP has decided he does NOT want to be FFP on my blog. He say it sounds like an exotic disease or something. So he shall now be D. Just D. And I suppose I shall refer the girls by their names as well while I'm at it.

I know I know... it's ok Aud. Even if they know real names, they won't come find you in real life. It's JUST A BLOG!!!

So we've got D the FFP husband, G the teenager, Izzy the 3 year old and Avery the baby. Oh and me-Audra.

Now please promise not to come looking for me or my family. :)

Best Party favor EVER!

2008-06-16T21:10:00.000-07:00

I love my Mexican family. They are seriously awesome. They throw the rockinest (yes I know that's not a real word) parties ever! Even their baby showers ROCK!

My mom's family is Mexican. I mean totally stereotypical- hardcore- Raider loving- Mexicans. Some of them still don't speak English for crying out loud!! On Saturday my mom, myself and the babies went to her cousin's daughter's baby shower. Confused yet? I always forget that at these parties, they go ALL out! Think normal BBQ, but with beans, rice and enough guacamole to feed at least 80 people, plus beer flowing like Niagra Falls and no end in sight to how many people arriving in massive groups. Seriously so thankful they had a huge backyard. It was already in the mid 90s! I did not need to be squished in someone's backyard like a sausage! The music was so loud I was scared to have the baby outside for fear of her becoming deaf! 3 year old thought it was the coolest thing ever! The party was fun and I got to see a lot of my mom's family that I rarely see. I wish I spoke a lick of Spanish, besides what Dora and Diego have taught me!

As we were heading out the door they asked if we got a party favor. 3 year old was so excited of course! Free stuff! Woo hoo! So as I walk over to retrieve a favor I notice a basket. And in this basket. Was. The. Coolest. Party favor. EVER!

Yes that is exactly what it appears to be. A little travel size bottle of tequila! And no doubt it had the words "Reina's Baby Shower" and the date printed on a nice pink ribbon and hot glued to the top. I kid you not! It was AWESOME! I mean someone took the time to hot glue a printed ribbon on a bottle of tequila? And I got to take it home? I think I was more excited than 3 year old! Yippeee!

I immediately took a picture of the basket of tequila goodness and sent it to FFP. His response: I love Mexicans!

Now I know what we'll be giving out our next party. Might not be appropriate at 3 year old's next birthday but eh... the Mexicans will LOVE it! :)

Flickr fun!

2008-06-07T19:19:00.001-07:00

I'm copying this off my friend Kristen. I've never heard of Flickr before... but this looked like fun! The concept is to fill in the questions below and do a search with each answer into flickr. Then you have to pick a picture on the first page to describe your answer. I'm guessing this is some deep dark look into my soul brought to me by pictures or I'm just REALLY bored... :) I love how a ton of the titles of the photos are "not available"... does that tell me something about my soul? hmmmmmmmmmmm. But isn't that THE sexiest picture of JT ever! YUM! I'm not shallow or anything... I SWEAR! It's kinda neat!

What is your first name? Audra
What is your favorite food? right now? Pasta
What high school did you go to? California
What is your favorite color? yellow
Who is your celebrity crush? Justin Timberlake
Favorite drink? Captain Morgan
Dream vacation? Napa
Favorite dessert? chocolate chip cookies
What you wanted to be when you were little? teacher
What do you love most in life? everything!
One Word to describe you. Special
Your flickr name. acdc

The pictures titles:
1. If you've never been thrilled to the very edges of your soul by a flower in spring bloom, maybe your soul has never been in bloom., 2. SouthWest Chicken Pasta Salad, 3. Not available, 4. Yellow Beauty, 5. Justin Timberlake, 6. Not available, 7. Napa grapes, 8. Not available, 9. Still Life For Teacher, 10. very happy everything., 11. I'm a Special PERSON ..!12. Not available

Get sick much?

2008-06-01T10:50:00.000-07:00

Yeah. That was me. I was THAT girl. The super intoxicated, loud, obnoxious, oblivious, moron on Friday night. I mean, I WAS HILARIOUS! FFP said I was the hit of the party. Too bad I don't remember much after the second bar.

It got me thinking. I'm WAY too old to be acting like a 21 year old idiot. I mean, I could NOT stop myself! Maybe it was the people we were with, or the fact that I haven't been out drinking in two months. It was the first time I had gone to a bar with my sister in law. Maybe I was trying to be cool! Maybe it was the fact that I was a little uncomfortable with the crowd of wives of the guys I went to highschool with. They all flock together and I'm the one that comes out with their husbands. I TRIED to be nice, but drunk nice... well you know how that goes. They were all talking under their breath after I came over to give a big group hug in my drunken stupor. I was awesome!

And most likely I was the talk of their Saturday morning! Their husbands all rolling their eyes like, yep, that's Audra for ya! She's a hoot!

I got a lot of "How are you feeling" texts Saturday morning. And I got "Everyone loved your presence last night!" Yeah, everyone loved the free drunk entertainment known as Audra the vodka cranberry girl! I was SPECIAL!!!

I threw up. In a planter box. I'm 28 years old! WTH was I doing???? I have never gotten sick from drinking IN MY LIFE! It was so not cool waking up on the floor at 4AM to try to crawl in my bed. FFP tried to get me up but I apparently told him that I wanted to sleep with my friend, the toilet! I vowed to FFP that if he ever let me drink that much again, I'd kill him! He said I was so awesome he didn't want me to stop. OK, after the two shots of patron mixed with the vodka... a man has to step in and cut off the wife! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!

A few good points of the evening:

1. I got to see a totally different side of sis-in-law. Man she was awesome! It was one of those bonding moments... inhibited by alcohol! Thanks Vodka for making that happen!

2. I got to see my Nick! I miss that guy, and I'm going to miss his butt when he's in Denver. Good luck buddy. I love you!!

I promise I will never, ever, ever, EVER drink like that again.... at least I'll try really really hard!

Ode to my KitchenAid.

2008-05-23T21:12:00.000-07:00

You started out as a pair of jeans and two sweaters for Christmas two years ago. I decided I didn't need those and took them back to Macys. I got a $200 dollar gift card.

And then I saw you. White and shiny with your stainless bowl, 4.5 quarts of beauty. All with whisk, flat beater and dough hook, and an optional attachment unit just staring at me from across the store.

The KitchenAid Classic Mixer.

I had to have you.

I dreamed of you for years and loved you from afar on that dusty shelf you sat on every time I walked into the kitchenware department at Macys. My girlfriends all raved of you, and all I could do was wish they would turn their backs long enough for me to steal theirs! It never happened though. The time had come to purchase my dream. There was no turning back!

I handed my gift card to the lady at the register, grabbed you and ran!

KitchenAid things haven't been the same since I brought you home. Some may call me a bake-a-holic. They don't know that I just secretly like to use you. I love to see what you can do for me and how fantastic you'll make my cookies or cakes taste! My world was dark and boring with my hand held mixer before. You make everything fluffy and creamy and delicious! My cookies before were lifeless and flat. My cream cheese frosting was... lumpy. You restored my faith in baking! I can never repay you!

My family loves you too. They want me to use you every day but I tell them you are special and can't be brought out for just anything. They are not allowed to touch you. Only I can! You are mine and only mine!

Don't ever leave me KitchenAid. If you do, I'll be sad... but I promise to buy the 5 quart with the bowl lift feature feature to live in your memory. And I might insist on buying the ice cream maker attachment too!

Oh and P.S. The boys at FFPs firehouse say my cookies are a work of art. I owe it all to you my cookie making machine!

What's a half-truth?

2008-05-21T21:09:00.000-07:00

What the hell is a half truth? It's not the truth, and it's not a lie... or is it?

The average liar tells 88,000 lies in their whole life. I think that's a pretty low number. If I counted my own lies from now until I die, I wonder if I'd get more than that. I'm not a good liar. I crack under pressure. Anyone who knows me can tell the second I start fabricating. I mostly lie to my mom because I hate upsetting her. I tell her everything is fine, even when it's not, and even though I KNOW she can see right through my bluff. She never calls me out though. She waits for me to tell her what's really going on, because she knows I will. I can't keep stuff from my mom. I don't think I know how.

For the most part though, I'm like Avery from Jerry Maguire. I'm all about the brutal truth. I know it's painful, and sometimes unnecessary, but who am I not to be anything but honest. I try to be nice, but it never really works out that way. I just don't like lying to people. I think it's unfair and it's just not a characteristic I care for. Maybe that's why I love the name Avery so much. That character was great!

Half truths... really piss me off. Why are you going to sit there and tell me part of the story but either omit some parts, or totally fabricate the rest? What is the POINT OF THAT??? It's like giving me half an apple, and then switching the other half for a banana to see if I'll notice. Dude, I notice! They don't even go together! Either tell me the whole truth, or just lie to me all together. In the end, the lie or half-truth only makes ME look like the idiot. When someone lies to me, they are basically saying " I don't trust you enough to tell you what is actually happening." Quite the slap in the face if you ask me.

Half truths are a vicious cycle....

Disney references everywhere!!!!!!!

2008-05-18T08:11:00.001-07:00

Pure chaos. Right now everything is moving at the speed of light! I always dread the end of the school year because it seems like there are fifty things to do every day! Madness!

We've got teenager winding down her first year in high school. Lets just say it has not been an easy ride for this girl, or for us. It's like getting stuck on the "Its a Small World" ride in Disneyland with the song pounding through the speakers over and over and over again and all you want to do jump overboard and run to the emergency exit just to save your sanity! That's my analogy of freshman year! Isn't that terrible? I don't remember it being so difficult, but every kid is different, right? For her sake and ours, we pray that next school year will be a little less dramatic! She's gotten herself a job this summer, so maybe JUST maybe she'll learn some responsibility. Wishful thinking?

3 year old is starting Pre-K next month. CRAZY! How the heck did she get so old so fast? I think when she realizes she gets to spend the summer in the same class as her cousin she is going to FREAK! I feel bad for their teachers! Those two are like Cinderella's step sisters, Drisella and Anastasia! Being 15 months apart really is fun for them, but they butt heads so badly it makes my head hurt!

The baby is 7 months tomorrow! What? No! Slow down! She's officially crawling, standing, whining, crying, you name it! She's fun though. I love her. She's getting baptized finally next Sunday so we are busy getting the house together for the after party. I'm a bit nervous to have like 50+ people in our house! I just hope it's not as hot as it has been this week! 100 degrees in my house would not be pretty!!!

So the season of mass hysteria begins. I think so far our weekends are filled until August. And somewhere in the mix, I'm going to start school again! OH man! I think I've got a bit too much on my plate!

I'm trying to delegate more. FFP says its necessary to keep my sanity. I guess I agree with him, but shh... I'm not going to tell him that. That would mean he was right!

I wish I was in line for Space Mountain right now. I can always count on that line to go slow!

Masquerade

2008-05-12T22:20:00.000-07:00

I can't get that Phantom of the Opera song "Masquerade" out of my head. Not sure why, but I'm assuming that it's some kind of subconscious notion in my head that pertains to my actual life.

Masquerade!
Paper faces on parade . . .
Masquerade!
Hide your face,
so the world will
never find you!
Masquerade!
Every face a different shade . . .
Masquerade!
Look around -
there's another
mask behind you!....

Apparently 3 year old is evil. Everyone says so. My family, my husband, teenager. She's mean. She doesn't share, she hits, blah blah blah blah. Last time I checked all kids perform some type of this behavior at some point in their lives. Mine, just happens to be going through it all at once. I can't help it. I'm trying my best to help her but it's not the easiest thing to do with a teenager and a baby in the house. I pay attention to her as best as I can.

I know she's been adjusting since FFP got his job. She's still not used to the whole 2 days on 4 days off concept. She's been with daddy every day since she was born. Now all of a sudden he's gone for 2 days and she's confused. I was hoping the transition would go a bit smoother, but it hasn't. Then of course throw new baby into the mix and me focusing on baby's needs... there's a lot less attention headed in 3 year olds direction! I know she's getting the short end of the stick. I'm trying to be a good mommy to her and hold down the rest of the fort.

Everyone thinks I have it all together all the time and no additional help is needed. That's just a load of crap! I might be a stubborn mule, but I appreciate help when it's needed. No one asks me! They just assume little Audra can handle it all and I'll figure out how to deal. Oh and I also suck at baking I guess. So says that last two cakes I've produced and the people who consumed them. I thought homemade was so much better, but apparently store bought is best for some.

I guess I'll just put on the mask and pretend like I have it all under control...

Mother's Day

2008-05-11T22:34:00.000-07:00

3 year old: "Mom is today Mother's Day?"

me: "Yes it is."

3 year old: "Oh. OK..... ummm mom?"

me: "Yes?"

3 year old: "When is it gonna be Kid's Day?"

me: "Baby every day is Kid's Day!"

3 year old: "Cool!"

How much am I worth?

2008-05-09T11:05:00.001-07:00

If I got paid to stay at home, I'd be making more than a hundred grand a year. That's what the latest poll from salary.com says.

So where's my check?

I've been a "stay at home" mom going on 11 months now. Have I gotten any monetary compensation for it? Uhh no. I don't count the unemployment money from being laid off, or the disability compensation for 6 freaking weeks after I had baby. I mean, if I hadn't gotten laid off last June I probably would have gone back after my maternity leave. I would have hated it, but man the money was great, the benefits were even greater, and the freedom of not being "mommy" for 7.5 hours a day was pretty nice. I had a pension! I had a retirement! I was worth something!!!

Now don't get me wrong, I love being home. Seriously. I'm not trying to convince myself. I do. My kids are fun, entertaining and exciting. It's just that they definitely can't hold an adult conversation. There's just nothing better than talking to another adult about absolutely nothing and feeling like I still have a useful brain. I'm not all Dora and SpongeBob and play doh and wonder color markers! I have been forgetting lately that there's more to me than instructing my husband how to put 3 year old in time out, or telling teenager not to back talk, or making sure 3 year old doesn't accidentally injure baby. Everything is sort of out of control these days, and my only sense of security is to be "boss mommy," and order everyone to do it my way or get out of my face! I know... I know. I'm a control freak. Shocking.

I mean really, why am I not getting paid for this? I basically took care of my boss like he was my child when I was working. The antiquated, hates computers, still makes me use a typewriter boss! I did everything for him, and he paid me WELL! Where's the money I should be getting for doing everything for the crazy husband and children on a daily basis? Should I stoop so low and start soliciting people on the internet to pay my bills like that crazy lady did? (If you haven't heard about that... oh man it's a doozey!)

I'm taking donations.

Oooohhhh what's that sound???

2008-05-07T11:52:00.001-07:00

Call it some sick sadistic personality disorder, but I love the sound of a good siren. It could be the fact that we live in a relatively small town where excitement is few and far between. My ears perk up at the low roar of the firetrucks driving down the busy boulevard next to my house. I look at FFP and we wait. There's the next one. Oh, oh there's the chief's car! It must be something good! I being the nerd that I am, jump on the computer and pull up our dispatch's website. Ohhh structure fire! FUN!

I know what you're thinking. LOSER! Hey, I know. It's like being a little kid!

I wonder if the excitement of the siren has anything to do with FFP? My husband. The Firefighter/Paramedic. In my blogs now he'll forever be known as FFP. What a label. It's a great one dang it and he worked LONG and hard to get it. So I honor the label and honor him for doing what he loves to do. I think after 9 grueling years of filling out applications, taking written and physical agility tests over and over, the interviews, the disappointment of getting the "We regret to inform you..." letters, it is such a wonderful thing to see him finally reach his goal. It just goes to show that patience really does prevail in the end. He's the inspiration to never give up on your dream.

I wonder if I'd feel the same way about that siren if I knew he was on that engine? I think the fear would outweigh the excitement tenfold. Luckily I will never hear his engine go out on a call because he's not working in our town. I remember when he was working on that ambulance in the city of death... as I like to call it! I would cringe in the morning watching the news to see if his ambulance appeared. He worked night shifts and in the city of death, the night shift is where all the nasty gory disgusting traumas happened. His old colleagues called him the "trauma jumper." He would prey on the radio just waiting to pounce on a shooting or nasty car wreck so that he could have his moment of glory. That's his nature. He lives to be the hero, hence the FFP job! He has rubbed off on the 3 year old who now says she wants to be a trauma surgeon when she grows up. Sick!

I love him. He's really awesome.